The ignominy of being forgotten did me in I think.
To do prison time for three years is one thing. To do prison time for a crime you dint commit is another.
I was a nice guy. A decent guy.Intelligent. Not your IIT types. But willing to learn and work hard.We were doing good. Me and my wife that is. Our own flat, two BHK and fully furnished. I had a bike and we were going to buy a car.My wife was beautiful,graceful,smart and when she said yes, I couldnt believe my luck.Such things dint happen to guys like me every day, but when it did I promised to myself that I would make it work.That I would one day be worthy of her love. I loved her dearly.
I killed my wife. Or so they said.She went missing and her parents filed a complaint against me. Our neighbours whenquestioned told the police of how I did come drunk every night and how me and my wife used to fight, day in and day out.They told the police about how much of a fairy tale princess she was, which she was; and also how I dint deserve an angel like her. I very totally agreed with them, silently. And in two weeks, I was arrested.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Yesteryear Rapunzel wants to visit the hair saloon
My to- do-list (Oh yea. I make them. Every time. Not that I stick to it. And neither can I find them when I need them.) for this weekend reads
Go Jogging
Do the laundry
Dry them ( for those of you who think this ought to follow, you dont know me!)
Iron them
Make the IT investments
Do a bit of studying ( I actually feel a bit guilty these days, not having done any studying over the past one year, after having been a student for like 21 years)
Vist the saloon
Make the shopping list
Go shopping
Now all the items on the list are plain enough excepting one. Now I sure am the one for procastinating things,put off things for tomorrow.
Aaj Karai So Kal kar, Kal karai so parson.
Pal me Parlay hoyegi, Tho karne kaheki Zaroorath
is how I used to jocularly recite one of Kabir's couplets.
Now, there is one thing on the list, that I have thought about, for like years.I have wanted to do it for years. Nope. Not my clothes. I wash them every week, how much ever I hate the job. :)Its the visit the saloon part.
For years I have worn my hair long. Plaited it actualy. Owgay... Oiled it and plaited it - my mother that is. I have had to compete with my locks for my mother's attention all these years. Me thinks she loves it more than me. She fed my okra aka math curry so that I could become another Ramanjum and milk and eggs 'cos it was good for my hair. She applied oil to my hair everyday and made me wash it with Shikakkai once a week. She forbade me to use the hair dryer. She religiously cut my hair every other fortnight, once in a while - the fortnight when the moon was waxing. It dint help. Sigh. And dint help to have a cousin whose hair was the envy of half of Hyderabad. The other half doesnt concern itself with such petty things. They have world peace and Tollywood dance moves to think about.
Now you always yearn for things that you dont have and cant have. And yearn I did. My sister had a hair cut. The lady at the beauty parlour wouldnt touch mine - she said she wasnt gonna chop away my beautiful locks because of my momentary fancies.
Hmmm.. Those were the days... When I was like the Rapunzel of my class....But when I am no longer one and when I no longer live at home, so that my mom can continue to maintain my hair, I reasoned out I definitely wanted and was "eligible" for a hair cut. Now, thats not very difficult right?
Wrong..... Not when you are me and have a mother like my mother. For years, she has been putting it off, citing every possible and impossible lame excuse and for years I have not had my hair cut. I guess its because its due to her genes that I used to have beautiful hair once and also because so much of hardwork and time ( my mother's of course!) has gone into it. And I guess she has'nt yet lost the hope that one fine day, my hair will mysteriously start growing and regain its lost glory.
The last time I went home, I went back to begging - putting on my charming persuasive self that my mother can look through.And she relented! Wow!!!! Finally.... And off we went to a hair saloon... Nope. I couldnt get one done that day. But what the hair stylist was just not so nice.. She told me I had very thin hair ( sob sob) and should go in for a step cut...You should have seen me some eight years back Lady!!
For those of you who know me and dont remember the long hair, it was before you. For those of you who have known me for a very long time and dont remember the long hair, you are suffering from amnesia. For those of you who think I am just plain deluded, please dont tell me so.
Now that its a green signal from Amma Jaan, all that is needed for me is to go a saloon. But the thing is.. Now I am not so sure if I want one. Like I am so very used to whatever it is that I see on the mirror.I mean you get used to things that you have been living with, for 24 years and 10 months and your mirror reflection is one of them.
I even bought some special green coloured oil that claims to make my hair grow stronger and longer, the other day, with the fond hope of giving my cousin some healthy competition. That runs in the family I guess - hoping I mean. Even when it is hope against hope hopen kinda hope.
I just hope I dont chicken out this weekend. I mean I hope if I do chicken out, I chicken out before going to the saloon;not while I am on the high raise chair. I hope I dont go shrieking when the hair stylist takes out her scissors. I hope I dont get to shriek after the job is all done. And I hope my mirror continues to smile at me.
Go Jogging
Do the laundry
Dry them ( for those of you who think this ought to follow, you dont know me!)
Iron them
Make the IT investments
Do a bit of studying ( I actually feel a bit guilty these days, not having done any studying over the past one year, after having been a student for like 21 years)
Vist the saloon
Make the shopping list
Go shopping
Now all the items on the list are plain enough excepting one. Now I sure am the one for procastinating things,put off things for tomorrow.
Aaj Karai So Kal kar, Kal karai so parson.
Pal me Parlay hoyegi, Tho karne kaheki Zaroorath
is how I used to jocularly recite one of Kabir's couplets.
Now, there is one thing on the list, that I have thought about, for like years.I have wanted to do it for years. Nope. Not my clothes. I wash them every week, how much ever I hate the job. :)Its the visit the saloon part.
For years I have worn my hair long. Plaited it actualy. Owgay... Oiled it and plaited it - my mother that is. I have had to compete with my locks for my mother's attention all these years. Me thinks she loves it more than me. She fed my okra aka math curry so that I could become another Ramanjum and milk and eggs 'cos it was good for my hair. She applied oil to my hair everyday and made me wash it with Shikakkai once a week. She forbade me to use the hair dryer. She religiously cut my hair every other fortnight, once in a while - the fortnight when the moon was waxing. It dint help. Sigh. And dint help to have a cousin whose hair was the envy of half of Hyderabad. The other half doesnt concern itself with such petty things. They have world peace and Tollywood dance moves to think about.
Now you always yearn for things that you dont have and cant have. And yearn I did. My sister had a hair cut. The lady at the beauty parlour wouldnt touch mine - she said she wasnt gonna chop away my beautiful locks because of my momentary fancies.
Hmmm.. Those were the days... When I was like the Rapunzel of my class....But when I am no longer one and when I no longer live at home, so that my mom can continue to maintain my hair, I reasoned out I definitely wanted and was "eligible" for a hair cut. Now, thats not very difficult right?
Wrong..... Not when you are me and have a mother like my mother. For years, she has been putting it off, citing every possible and impossible lame excuse and for years I have not had my hair cut. I guess its because its due to her genes that I used to have beautiful hair once and also because so much of hardwork and time ( my mother's of course!) has gone into it. And I guess she has'nt yet lost the hope that one fine day, my hair will mysteriously start growing and regain its lost glory.
The last time I went home, I went back to begging - putting on my charming persuasive self that my mother can look through.And she relented! Wow!!!! Finally.... And off we went to a hair saloon... Nope. I couldnt get one done that day. But what the hair stylist was just not so nice.. She told me I had very thin hair ( sob sob) and should go in for a step cut...You should have seen me some eight years back Lady!!
For those of you who know me and dont remember the long hair, it was before you. For those of you who have known me for a very long time and dont remember the long hair, you are suffering from amnesia. For those of you who think I am just plain deluded, please dont tell me so.
Now that its a green signal from Amma Jaan, all that is needed for me is to go a saloon. But the thing is.. Now I am not so sure if I want one. Like I am so very used to whatever it is that I see on the mirror.I mean you get used to things that you have been living with, for 24 years and 10 months and your mirror reflection is one of them.
I even bought some special green coloured oil that claims to make my hair grow stronger and longer, the other day, with the fond hope of giving my cousin some healthy competition. That runs in the family I guess - hoping I mean. Even when it is hope against hope hopen kinda hope.
I just hope I dont chicken out this weekend. I mean I hope if I do chicken out, I chicken out before going to the saloon;not while I am on the high raise chair. I hope I dont go shrieking when the hair stylist takes out her scissors. I hope I dont get to shriek after the job is all done. And I hope my mirror continues to smile at me.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Notes From Home
I have finally realised that being amongst the people you love and home made food can make all your troubles go away. I cannot believe that it was only last Wednesday that I thought I had all the problems in the world - I was alone and friendless in a city where I knew nobody, I dint exactly love my work, I worried that nobody around me cared a damn as to whether I lived or died as long as I got my work done, I hadnt made my tax investments yet and was gonna get fewer peanuts than usual this monthend and generally just felt depressed. I needed something to make me believe in myself and my usual inspirational motivational talks to myself werent helping.That is until I got home on Thursday morning. Usual frantic calls between amma, appa and me over where to get down - I have been making these visits to Hyderabad close to 8 months but we still have to make these calls. :)
I havent done much in the last four days. Infact I havent even stepped out of home or met the few friends I do have in Hyderabad. All that I have done is to sit and laze around, something that I havent been able to do in quite sometime. Sometimes being with people who love you for what you are and accept you that way can do so much to your self confidence. It gives you the courage to go brave the world.
I hate the Dominoes guys. Amma simply had to have pizzas and the Pizza Corner and Pizza Hut guys wouldnt deliver to our home. I had to call up the Dominoes guys even though I hate their pizzas; kept getting one number after another - only to be told their server was down and they wouldnt be accepting anymore orders! Can you imagine? To be refused by, of all ppl Dominoes!!
This is a conversation me and my mom had about parents and kids.
Me : You know? You are an ideal parent!
Mom : Gee.. Thank you...
Me : You never accept that your kids are perfect.
Mom : Grrrrrr....
Me and Mommy kinda got lost in the Ramoji film city. We decide to ask a lady who has just stepped out of Filmy Duniya - a place in Ramoji where shows are held, for directions.
Me : Excuse me, which is the show going on inside?
Lady : Some cartoon show... I dont know
Me ( now that doesnt help) : Is it the one in which you get to ride a mini train....
Lady : I dont know... I just came from New York.
This was where mom and me started giggling.
I'll be leaving for Mumbai in like three hours. But think things will be better for a few days to come. And when I get grouchy, I know exactly what to do. :)
I havent done much in the last four days. Infact I havent even stepped out of home or met the few friends I do have in Hyderabad. All that I have done is to sit and laze around, something that I havent been able to do in quite sometime. Sometimes being with people who love you for what you are and accept you that way can do so much to your self confidence. It gives you the courage to go brave the world.
I hate the Dominoes guys. Amma simply had to have pizzas and the Pizza Corner and Pizza Hut guys wouldnt deliver to our home. I had to call up the Dominoes guys even though I hate their pizzas; kept getting one number after another - only to be told their server was down and they wouldnt be accepting anymore orders! Can you imagine? To be refused by, of all ppl Dominoes!!
This is a conversation me and my mom had about parents and kids.
Me : You know? You are an ideal parent!
Mom : Gee.. Thank you...
Me : You never accept that your kids are perfect.
Mom : Grrrrrr....
Me and Mommy kinda got lost in the Ramoji film city. We decide to ask a lady who has just stepped out of Filmy Duniya - a place in Ramoji where shows are held, for directions.
Me : Excuse me, which is the show going on inside?
Lady : Some cartoon show... I dont know
Me ( now that doesnt help) : Is it the one in which you get to ride a mini train....
Lady : I dont know... I just came from New York.
This was where mom and me started giggling.
I'll be leaving for Mumbai in like three hours. But think things will be better for a few days to come. And when I get grouchy, I know exactly what to do. :)
Monday, March 10, 2008
Make your Pick
A tragic comedy or a comic tragedy?
Arrange for yourself to fall in love or get to love your arranged spouse?
Beach or the mountains?
Jet Black or virginal white?
Sight or Speech?
Airy dreams or well grounded rationalizations?
Waltz headstrong into life like there is no tomorrow or slowly let each moment sink into you, savouring everything that life has to offer?
Soulful symphony or the earthy pagan rythmic drum beats of Congo?
Thoughtful words or wordy thoughts?
Arrange for yourself to fall in love or get to love your arranged spouse?
Beach or the mountains?
Jet Black or virginal white?
Sight or Speech?
Airy dreams or well grounded rationalizations?
Waltz headstrong into life like there is no tomorrow or slowly let each moment sink into you, savouring everything that life has to offer?
Soulful symphony or the earthy pagan rythmic drum beats of Congo?
Thoughtful words or wordy thoughts?
To a new beginning
Years back when I first started to blog, I told myself I did write about how I felt and thought about things in a very impersonal manner-Only to realise that doesnt work out that way. You cant really do thoughtful thoughts in an unpassioned manner.Over the three years I have been blogging, I havent really blogged as much as I did have wanted to. When I had all the time in the world and my own desktop in my own room in my previous incarnation as an MBA student, I dint want to reveal lots about myself to unknown strangers who did read my blog. Now, when I no longer have the need to be conscious of every single word that I write, I really dont have so much time so as to let my mind wander aimlessly, get zillions of humorous, thoughtful, witty ideas, latch onto some and then put it on paper. And even if I did have the time,which I dont; I cant. 'Cos there are so many many people around me and way too close - no privacy. Colleagues who keep looking at my screen and nodding their head in disbelief and disapproval - 'What was I doing in office hours?'So what if there wasnt much work to do. I was still expected to make myself useful.' But more than anything else, eight hours (if not more) of looking at a computer screen cannot really inspire you to write.
I cant really place a finger on what went wrong. This is not how things were meant to be - blogging was supposed to be cathectic. Instead my posts have been reduced to bablings that I scrawl away over the time I steal away from the tea breaks, lunch breaks, gossip breaks and so on. All that I can seem to blog now are crib stories of how much I hate my job and the people around me. Do I really hate my job? Actually No. My job could have been much worse, like my dear friend Apar's ( and Apar has just told me that she doesnt really hate her job either :) ).
Infact I actually like my job, when I really have work.Do I really hate my colleagues? Again an emphatic No. Well, they do get onto my nerves at time. But then who doesnt? I can only say, I am like Harriet the Spy. Please dont hate me if I have said a few unkind words about you. Its Just Me!
And so.. Here ends all of this. And I am gonna do my best to blog and blog good stuff.I am not sure if I can do that though. There have been lots of things that have changed about me. MBA has taught me to think in terms of points, to prune away the unnecessities and stick to the bare mimimum.Now I am gonna try to unlearn all of that. I am really gonna try to write stuff that I did be proud of writting and stuff that I did read. My usual stuff in my usual style. The stuff that used to make my English teachers want to treasure my examination papers.
Okay. I kinda went overboard. :)
Have I lost my edge? I hope not!
I cant really place a finger on what went wrong. This is not how things were meant to be - blogging was supposed to be cathectic. Instead my posts have been reduced to bablings that I scrawl away over the time I steal away from the tea breaks, lunch breaks, gossip breaks and so on. All that I can seem to blog now are crib stories of how much I hate my job and the people around me. Do I really hate my job? Actually No. My job could have been much worse, like my dear friend Apar's ( and Apar has just told me that she doesnt really hate her job either :) ).
Infact I actually like my job, when I really have work.Do I really hate my colleagues? Again an emphatic No. Well, they do get onto my nerves at time. But then who doesnt? I can only say, I am like Harriet the Spy. Please dont hate me if I have said a few unkind words about you. Its Just Me!
And so.. Here ends all of this. And I am gonna do my best to blog and blog good stuff.I am not sure if I can do that though. There have been lots of things that have changed about me. MBA has taught me to think in terms of points, to prune away the unnecessities and stick to the bare mimimum.Now I am gonna try to unlearn all of that. I am really gonna try to write stuff that I did be proud of writting and stuff that I did read. My usual stuff in my usual style. The stuff that used to make my English teachers want to treasure my examination papers.
Okay. I kinda went overboard. :)
Have I lost my edge? I hope not!
Thursday, March 06, 2008
I dont wanna crib.. I am not gonna crib...I wont crib...
I get these really crazy money making schemes. Some of them are just plain whacky, some pretty good. However I have'nt ever had the patience to single mindedly latch onto one and implement it. The good ones are either forgotten or stashed away into some remote compartment of my brain, perhaps for future perusal. And me and my friends have a good laugh over the rest.
The latest scheme which me and my MBA and software friends have hatched is to go on with our jobs, however difficult the going gets; record each and every ridiculous , funny and heart whelming story and make a book out of it! Who knows we might just get lucky....
And this one thought is what keeps me going - gives me the strength to endure one bossy, frustrated, everybody is out there to get at me colleague; a very weird, lost in his own world, chain smoker of a project manager; a chirpy engineer fresher who cant stop talking of his non stop grass smoking and boozing college days - add to this an "I cant handle this" assistant RM, who keeps getting minor heart attacks every other minute; an RM who can sweet talk you into doing things you just dont want to do and not in a very nice manner, mind you; colleagues who are just plain boring for their own good; in a land where I know no other soul....
I start out each single day telling myself, I am no cribber. But that as you can see,doesnt seem to help. Anyways some good has come out of it. With nothing else to do, I have become this fitness enthusiast. I jog for like an hour a day, sweat it out in the gym for another hour; just out of sheer boredom. Like my mom says; Jo Hotha hai achche ke liye hothaa hai.
The latest scheme which me and my MBA and software friends have hatched is to go on with our jobs, however difficult the going gets; record each and every ridiculous , funny and heart whelming story and make a book out of it! Who knows we might just get lucky....
And this one thought is what keeps me going - gives me the strength to endure one bossy, frustrated, everybody is out there to get at me colleague; a very weird, lost in his own world, chain smoker of a project manager; a chirpy engineer fresher who cant stop talking of his non stop grass smoking and boozing college days - add to this an "I cant handle this" assistant RM, who keeps getting minor heart attacks every other minute; an RM who can sweet talk you into doing things you just dont want to do and not in a very nice manner, mind you; colleagues who are just plain boring for their own good; in a land where I know no other soul....
I start out each single day telling myself, I am no cribber. But that as you can see,doesnt seem to help. Anyways some good has come out of it. With nothing else to do, I have become this fitness enthusiast. I jog for like an hour a day, sweat it out in the gym for another hour; just out of sheer boredom. Like my mom says; Jo Hotha hai achche ke liye hothaa hai.
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