Won't you just disappear?
or atleast fade away into distant fog.
Should be easy,
you were always misty.

I had a strange dream last night. I dreamt that a Dinosaur somehow materialised outside my house and followed me. I mean from outside, while I went about shutting one window after another. The dinosaur looked pretty adorable actually, but I was scared. Maybe the Dino was lost, maybe he was alone and the only one remaining from his species and he wanted to make friends. He sure looked friendly, however my basal instinct was to shut him out.

There are some dreams you remember very little about, but this one wasn't one of those. I remembered everything, every feeling when I got up in the morning.

Any Freuds and Jungs amongst those reading this, would love to hear your take on my dream.

A long long time back a friend messaged me saying, Time has a way of changing things but not the joy in wishing a friend like you... And this message stayed on - in my memory and on phone as well. I must have changed my sim card atleast half a dozen times and deleted a zillion messages to make room for new ones, but this one stayed on for some obscure reason.
And as of a few months back this said person and me are no more friends. Time really has a way of changing things.

P.S.: Are few things fated to occur? Does life leave us hidden clues that only time can unravel for us? Are we reading in between lines where there is no need to? Are there really para-devthas who say thathaasthu at random and god forbid you have an unpleasant wish/thought right then?

Hello Guys,

Been quite a while since I posted here. Quite a couple of things on my mind that writing something that would make sense to a sane head was completely out of scope!
Now what was on my mind is something that you are not about to hear, not now not ever! You learn is all that I can say. Now over with that. :)

For those who did not know earlier, I am in Melbourne. Aparna knows and since she seems to be the only one reading my blog,everybody knows :) If there is someone else, the silent reader types - welcome and do leave a comment behind. Oh yea, thats me - the one with the hope against hope hopen kinda hope! I could do with some cheering right now.

Its been two weeks here. I wont do the like it/ dislike it part. It is way too soon. Its cold here, the weather is good on my skin and I like that part. My hair though is quite another story. Hopefully Parachute from the Indian Stores does its magik. Getting used to the 'scene' on street is a different thing altogether. I am so used to doing the turn to your left, then right, then left routine while trying to cross the road. Here, you just need to see the traffic signals. That huge leap of faith is something I haven't yet managed to find in myself. Also, I do not loose my way any more, fingers crossed. Wouldn't wanna jinx it.

It is not a big city, like an aquaintance once said 6 streets horizontal, 6 streets vertical. You can practically walk yourself across the street. Its easy to get/feel lost however. Small towns are easier that way I reasoned with myself while waiting for a friend on the street. Small place, friendly people, easy life... And then, I saw a common house sparrow. And another. And for reason that cannot be explained here,I felt a strong sense of belonging.Maybe it was the DDLJ ka "yahaan ka kaboothar kabhi India ho aayaa tha" logic or maybe there was just "something" about seeing something like a sparrow at a time when I was feeling lost and vulnerable. I know it sounds poetic, but then thats how I felt. :)

Or Maybe I am filmi!!And the rest of the evening only made things better - the stroll across Victoria Market, speaking in Telugu with the guy at the Indian store, longish conversations with another poor lost soul here, late night chai... It feels like home.

And on that note, Good Night to you guys....

Flash Back

Some two years and a couple of months back, I was in Bombay.One night, dinner with two girls from work and big time bonding over food, fashion and work. The conversation steered toward 'problems in our lives' (for some reason!). And my friends took turns to elucidate one by one, the problems in their lives - the list just didn't seem to end. After what seemed like eternity, they looked back at me - I hadn't opened my mouth. I mean, not that I didn't have any problems but I was happy. Hey wait,I really didn't have any problems. And I said so.

Fast Forward

I do not think I can say that now - the No problems thing. Atleast not without battling an eyelid. And then it wouldn't really mean anything, would it?

One of my earliest memories from my childhood is Appa reading out aloud to me and my sister. He would usually read from one of the numerous books he bought for us – usually Children's books originally in Russian translated into English or mythological books. He would sit on a chair. Madhu (my sister) would sit on the floor and I would sit on the arm rest, cuddling up to Appa.
And I hated it!
My sister would look up to Appa, engrossed in his narration. And I would have finished reading the page and would be impatiently waiting for Appa to turn the page. Appa however wouldn’t be hurried into anything (another trait I seem to have caught from him - I have to do things at my own pace - I will not be hurried/slowed down!) and he would read out aloud, pausing at every comma and full stop and stressing at significant places. His intonation of speech was amazing. In short, a lesson in prosody.
However, I never had the patience to appreciate any of it! After reading the current page, I did start fidgeting; I already knew what was in the page and wanted to know what was on the next. Madhu however would hang onto each word of his and would listen in rapt attention.
Appa soon realized that it was not my obsessive love for him that made me sit so close to him. And he hated the fact that I was sneakily peeking into the book. He made me sit on the floor from then on, but it was never the same again. Soon he stopped doing the read-out-aloud sessions and I went back to reading on my own.
But Madhu missed those sessions and so did Appa. I think it hurt Appa more than anything else.
Appa still tries to read out to me, from the Business line or one of his published papers. And I still fidget!!
Amma never took a picture of this, but I have gotten it in my head. I just need to close my eyes and remember.

PS: How I wish I had the sense to sit back and enjoy back then. I still can't do that!!