Showing posts with label How I am feeling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label How I am feeling. Show all posts

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Sound of Silence


Is it silent for the want of anything interesting
and Me giving up, in dreary tedium?

Or things becoming overwhelmingly interesting
that I had to give myself an e-break to soak-in.

Maybe I am too wrapped up in myself to notice a thing
that's the worst - the unfeeling feeling!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

A stolen day, A muted me,
Numbed by pain,
A feeling of loss,
I don’t know what.
Jarring Music to shut off the world around,
A matching stride to fool myself.
Too many things to do,
So many sights to see,
Life is a joy,
Then why does it feel like a staged performance?

Sunday, September 26, 2010

An update on the afternoon where-in I decide to soak up on some sun-shine.
Thanks to Melbourne’s ever changing totally unpredictable weather and my own internal clock that is always on a lag-mode, I stepped out of the apartment at 4:30 only to find it no more sunny! In fact, my on-loan-from-flatmate sweat shirt was keeping me warm even though I only had the hide-the-fat intentions while donning it. I had only thirty minutes to head to the City Library, return my books and find something decent enough to read. I am not really particular about what I read, the philosophy of everything and anything goes ruling both my taste buds and my taste in books. But for quite some time now, I have been doing my best to find refuge in a known author – not up for much experimentation there right now. True, I read and loved Wuthering Heights a couple of weeks back, which I have been meaning to read for the last fourteen-fifteen years and its not even a difficult book to get your hands upon for that matter. But WH affected me like no other book, its truly gothic! It took me a couple of days to finish it, I couldn’t find it in me to do it in one sitting and it was way too exhausting. The last couple of reads have been light on the mind. So I wanted enough time at the library to borrow something like that. I managed to find something I liked in less than five minutes and in a rare one of those moments sorta thing decided to borrow a couple of Learn French DVDs. Wish me luck on that one. I do hope I have the discipline to use them.
And then I went on the weekly piligrimage to the Indian Store. Back in India, grocery shopping was just another thing that had to be done. I don’t think I ever gave so much thought to what I was buying as long as I had something stacked up at home. But now, I know I cannot make this trip for another week and I need to do a bit of planning about what I want to and might want to eat during the week.
It was my trip back home that was interesting. I saw my boss walking at the other side of the street, going the opposite way. He didn’t notice me, the street was way too wide for me to be able to catch his eye and neither did I have to, like it sometimes is. Like sometimes, I just have to do certain things. He was on a call and was waiting to cross an intersection. And as he was just about to cross, he had the same clueless look like that I have sometimes. Gosh, what do you know! It doesn’t matter how old you get to be. You can still be clueless and it is totally okay for you to be so. I know – its taken me so many years to learn this one!
The next intersection I saw this Chinese kid trying to cross the street. He had this suitcase he was trying to lug around and maybe it was too heavy for him. He lost his footing, came in-front of a car, managed to get one of his slip-ons off. Way too embarrassing – one slipper on the foot, the other on the road and our guy trying to get his act together. The driver thankfully didn’t do the “Saavu Kraaki” routine or maybe there is no proper English equivalent for that term. And this guy managed to cross the door and later put on his other slipper. And he smiled. To himself. I am not going to come out with some random interpretation on how this made me feel ‘cos I have none. It was just weirdly cute!
I walked up the street, smiling to myself – one expedition that went well. I can still entertain myself and that is just a nice feeling. When you do not always need people around or the voices in your head to keep you amused. And I saw this restaurant on the Paris End of the Collins where they let you sit outside under those huge umbrellas. Something caught my eye and it wasn’t until I looked again that it struck me what it was. Everyone eating in that restaurant or at least everyone who had chosen to eat outside was a well-dressed-above-forty woman. Maybe everyone out there was having a girl’s day out, with a sister/friend. Mani, V and A – you were in my thoughts today. Another picture on my mind was the Old Woman dressed in her bridal dress from ‘The Great Expectations’ - I need to hunt up that book now. Another random thought!
An hour of soaking in on the bath tub, reading a not-so-bad book made the day better. Think will make some pasta for dinner now and call it a day. A peaceful end to what had started off as a chaotic-muddled-up day.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Just when I decided to blog frequently and take up writing a little seriously, stuff happened. Me moving to Melbourne is one. I also had to learn a much needed lesson in a bad way – You need to be very cautious while choosing whom to call your friend. I am over the mopping phase now (touch wood, hopefully it lasts!).
Just when you think your life has become way too complicated for you to handle, you realise there is a simple reason why it is so!
And hopefully, I will blog. write. smile. be myself :)

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

oru naNban irundhaal
oru naNban irundhaal
kaiyoadu boomiyai sumandhidalaam
thodu vaanam pakkamae
thoda vaeNdum naNbaney
nam paeril thisaigaLai ezhudhalaam
kadalil nadhigaL peyar kalandhadhu
indha natpil engaL uyir kalandhadhu
natpu enbadhu engaL mugavari
idhu vaazhkai paadathil mudhal vari
indha ulagil miga perum yaeNi
naNban illaadhavan hey



thoazh meedhu kai poattu koNdu
thondriyadhellaam paesi oorai sutri vandhoam vandhoam
oruvar veettilae paduthu thoonginoam natpin poarvaikkuLLae
indha kaadhal kooda vaazhkkaiyil azhagilae thoandrumae
thoazhan endra sondham ondru
thoandrum namadhu uyiroadu


nenjukkuL nenjukkuL uLLa
eNNangaL eNNagaL solla naNban ore sondham
namadhu maejaiyil uNavu koottaNi adhil natpin rusi
ada vaazhkai payaNam maaRalaam natpu dhaan maaRuma?
aayuL kaalam thaerndha naaLil
naNban mugham dhaan maRakkaadhey

Sunday, December 13, 2009

When I was a kid, I always fantasized of how things would work out. I visualized my future as a very ethereal, poetic dream. I would just flit in and out of things and Life did have an airy feel to it. Cut to reality. Everyday life is just a struggle against sheer boredom.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

I do not recognise myself anymore. I am no longer the person I thought I was. And I am not quite the person that I thought I did grow up to be.
It is not quite that I don't like the person I have turned out to be. What I need to figure out is if this is the person I want to be.
To be or not to be. :)