Being N!V!

2011-12-17T19:40:00.000-08:00

Does never mean never ever or not right now or the near future that you can forsee?

2011-09-19T03:41:00.000-07:00

2011-05-30T07:14:00.000-07:00

Gumtree is my favourite site these days. Not only can you find everything you need and don't need on this site, you can also do awesome 'timepass' on this wesite.

Professional Date Doctor seeks clients.

And a wannabe date doctor gives some advice on how not to become single.

We are the Ghostbusters.

And a whole lot of I want to sell, I want to buy - your usual e-flea market!

2011-05-13T18:30:00.000-07:00

Do we get irritating as we grow up? Or maybe the ability to figure out how irritating we are comes with adulthood?

2011-05-06T05:25:00.000-07:00

The Ferris wheel turns in the yonder. The immigration bridge is a pretty sight. The Melbourne skyline sparkles. I sit by the Yarra breathing in the sight, quite the vision that it is.
And, a street performer on the Bourke street sang 'she has a brown bag, brown shoes to match' as I walked by. And I am still smiling :)

And I am going to save the bag and shoes for very special occasions, like every day.

2011-04-15T03:27:00.001-07:00

Found this on the big world wide web and haven't stopped smiling since then :)

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

2011-03-28T17:39:00.000-07:00

Won't you just disappear?
or atleast fade away into distant fog.
Should be easy,
you were always misty.

2011-03-10T05:26:00.000-08:00

I never have problems sleeping. I fall asleep the moment I hit the pillow. Mom and sis are forever envious - something like neighbours' envy, owner's pride.Today is not one of those days!
Inspired by my flatmate's 'early to bed early to rise makes a man healthy , wealthy and wise' philosophy I had decided no late night calls, gtalk chats, books. And it didn't work for me. I was tossing on the bed disturbed by the people shouting on the street, music from some night party, police cars whizzing by and my flatmate blissfully sleeping away to glory thoughout all of this! Even more disturbing were the random clicks from the past that I kept seeing - inspired by the 'Christmas Carols' that I read yesterday?
When I couldn't take the torture any more, I decided to go back to my usual ways - armed with steamed veggies and pitted dates to satiate a rumbling tummy, I turned to the laptop and internet to wear me out to exhaustion and sleep.
I once said to B that 'Life is like a decision tree with a lot many possibilities and only one certainity after which all the probabilities stop mattering' after a very stressful Business Stats class. Charles gave me a 'D' in the subject. Once we have chosen a path, we can't usually undo it and go back. And sometimes we may not want to. But why is it that inspite of what we choose and why, we have agonizing moments (hours and days) thinking about what could have been and what may be. Is having a choice really a good thing?
Another thing to ponder - this whole 'Am I really right' rigmarole only seems to get worse as we get older.
Why can't it be alright to be wrong once in a while. And not have to pay for it! And now that we are at it, why does life have to be a one way street? Why can't we flit between the parallel universes?

2011-03-08T17:05:00.001-08:00

Once you know what you don't want, its easier to make other decisions. :)

2011-02-22T20:36:00.000-08:00

Sooper Dooper Happy!

2011-02-15T04:01:00.000-08:00

If you were at Reject ( a discount store in Melbourne) on the Bourke Street on the 12th evening and saw two seemingly normal girls giggling away to glory, it was me and the new flatmate.

Joke: Does a guy getting a Valentine's Day Card from Reject get automatically rejected?

Owgay, that seemed so funny back then!

And Happy Wednesday! Because I don't need one official day in the year to tell people how I feel. :)

2011-02-10T05:43:00.000-08:00

The much awaited "the" mail did come. But it was nothing like the Eat Pray Love moment that I had been waiting for!

2011-02-08T16:04:00.000-08:00

I had a strange dream last night. I dreamt that a Dinosaur somehow materialised outside my house and followed me. I mean from outside, while I went about shutting one window after another. The dinosaur looked pretty adorable actually, but I was scared. Maybe the Dino was lost, maybe he was alone and the only one remaining from his species and he wanted to make friends. He sure looked friendly, however my basal instinct was to shut him out.

There are some dreams you remember very little about, but this one wasn't one of those. I remembered everything, every feeling when I got up in the morning.

Any Freuds and Jungs amongst those reading this, would love to hear your take on my dream.

2011-02-04T02:26:00.000-08:00

Haven't been able to stop myself from checking mail!

2011-01-31T03:46:00.000-08:00

Okay. I don’t need to tell you how much of a bad year last year has been. I am not even going there now. Well at least trying not to. Note to self – whenever you think you are going through a bad phase, remind yourself about 2010. That should make you feel better!

I put up with a lot of things from a lot of people that I didn’t have to – I don’t know why again. Note to self – Stop being so vulnerable. Everybody has an agenda. And making you happy is not on it. And stop listening to people who don’t make you feel good about yourself. You owe it to yourself. And yes, relationships will sour. People will stop being what they were or what you thought they were. You cannot hold yourself to something that probably was only a delusion and hope for the best. Sometimes, its perfectly normal not to see something good in everybody and every situation. And when you do, don’t make excuses for them just to make yourself better. Things are bad and they can only turn better if you accept that they are bad in the first place. And if something makes you uncomfortable, throw a fit! You are a princess and you deserve to be treated like one!

Quite a big note, aint it? How ever cynical all of this sounds, I think I needed this seemingly harsh reality check to bring me out of my “I-look-at-my-perfect-world-with-rosy-glasses” delusion. And I think my readers (if I have managed not to chase them all away with such a gloomy blog!) deserve to know this – no nursing of the broken heart or sort of deal. Just that sometimes a move to a foreign country with bad weather, no friends, really bad flat-mates, unpleasant acquaintances, indifferent colleagues, no support system makes your life less pleasant and more dreary. But now that it is summer, it is all well. And it is also helped from the fact that I have changed residence and put all of this behind me.

Wish me luck guys, I still hope to publish that book. And travel around the world. And buy my beach house. And meet my Prince Charming. (Though not necessarily in that order, not if my mom would have it :) ).

And while life looks all sugary, I am going to take it with a pinch of salt.

2011-01-20T03:54:00.000-08:00

Can I please get a billion dollars? :)

2011-01-05T15:55:00.001-08:00

Way too busy, having fun! :)

2010-11-28T03:09:00.000-08:00

You left without as much as an Adieu,
No goodbyes,
With tears that were only mine….

2010-11-10T22:09:00.000-08:00

A stolen day, A muted me,
Numbed by pain,
A feeling of loss,
I don’t know what.
Jarring Music to shut off the world around,
A matching stride to fool myself.
Too many things to do,
So many sights to see,
Life is a joy,
Then why does it feel like a staged performance?

2010-11-08T02:24:00.001-08:00

A long long time back a friend messaged me saying, Time has a way of changing things but not the joy in wishing a friend like you... And this message stayed on - in my memory and on phone as well. I must have changed my sim card atleast half a dozen times and deleted a zillion messages to make room for new ones, but this one stayed on for some obscure reason.
And as of a few months back this said person and me are no more friends. Time really has a way of changing things.

P.S.: Are few things fated to occur? Does life leave us hidden clues that only time can unravel for us? Are we reading in between lines where there is no need to? Are there really para-devthas who say thathaasthu at random and god forbid you have an unpleasant wish/thought right then?

2010-09-30T09:20:00.000-07:00

Just back home after watching Endiran. A movie of too many firsts for me - the first Tamil/Indian movie I watched in Melbourne in a theatre being just one of the firsts. It was also the first Rajnikanth movie I saw in a theatre! Yea..Shame on me and my ten years in Chennai. For once, I don't really have anything to say in my defence. Except that I tried to do something about it and saw the First Day First Show of Endiran in Melbourne.

The plan was to do it on Saturday and we even had tickets for the Saturday show. But when you have people like me and R, the best laid plans fizzle out and plans are made on the go. We planned to watch Bose engira Bhaskaran movie on CD which we had just bought at the Indian store and we were making our way back to my apartment when
a chap asked us directions to the Greater Union. Neither of us knew that Endiran was all set to release today in Australia and when we knew, we had to make this trip to the theatre and try to get tickets for today. Thanks R for not saying Yes when I wanted to go home. We somehow managed to get tickets and decent seats and watched
the movie too. And got back home to FB. I didn't want to say much about the movie initially,tut then when have I ever gone with my first thought? And more ever,like my cousin says.. Who wants to go to a theatre to see an Old Man?
So rubbing it on your face it is - I saw Endiran before you! This might be the only joy to be had from seeing the movie.

About the movie - no Rajani punch lines;many many stunts;action sequences inspired from Matrix, Godzilla,Mummy Series.
Dialog- no good. Music doesn't really amaze you the first time around but not outright bad either.I thought the movie was going to be like Bicentinal Man, but that didn't happen either.The movie had like two/three high points. Aishwarya Rai didn't do much, please don't ask when did she ever.She is P and T, no Y :) Casting was okay though - I did expect some laughs from the two side kicks in the lab,but they didn't have much of a role either.
Ice as a doc student romancing a Dr. Rajni, who by the way has been working on a 'Tin-head' for ten years is way too much! Neither of them looks any young! The tin-head was not cute, atleast not the way Ice gushes over him until he crossed over to the other camp. After that he looked like one of those things from the DD serial called Chandrakantha - the one that goes about saying 'Yakkooooooo' every now and then.

Like one of the guys said on the way out - Idukku, veetla beer aduchu thalaya saachurkalaam. Illa Dabaang paathirkalaam. Pst Pst.. More laughs in that one I hear...Overall Okay.
Its one of those movies you definitely must watch - everybody's gonna be watching it and if you care to be in and contribute to the conversations that are going to follow, you know what to do!

Btb, we have two tickets for the Sat evening show. And we sure do not want to watch it again.. Any takers?
Err... Is this why you asked me to say something nice about the movie, R?

2010-09-26T04:28:00.000-07:00

An update on the afternoon where-in I decide to soak up on some sun-shine.
Thanks to Melbourne’s ever changing totally unpredictable weather and my own internal clock that is always on a lag-mode, I stepped out of the apartment at 4:30 only to find it no more sunny! In fact, my on-loan-from-flatmate sweat shirt was keeping me warm even though I only had the hide-the-fat intentions while donning it. I had only thirty minutes to head to the City Library, return my books and find something decent enough to read. I am not really particular about what I read, the philosophy of everything and anything goes ruling both my taste buds and my taste in books. But for quite some time now, I have been doing my best to find refuge in a known author – not up for much experimentation there right now. True, I read and loved Wuthering Heights a couple of weeks back, which I have been meaning to read for the last fourteen-fifteen years and its not even a difficult book to get your hands upon for that matter. But WH affected me like no other book, its truly gothic! It took me a couple of days to finish it, I couldn’t find it in me to do it in one sitting and it was way too exhausting. The last couple of reads have been light on the mind. So I wanted enough time at the library to borrow something like that. I managed to find something I liked in less than five minutes and in a rare one of those moments sorta thing decided to borrow a couple of Learn French DVDs. Wish me luck on that one. I do hope I have the discipline to use them.
And then I went on the weekly piligrimage to the Indian Store. Back in India, grocery shopping was just another thing that had to be done. I don’t think I ever gave so much thought to what I was buying as long as I had something stacked up at home. But now, I know I cannot make this trip for another week and I need to do a bit of planning about what I want to and might want to eat during the week.
It was my trip back home that was interesting. I saw my boss walking at the other side of the street, going the opposite way. He didn’t notice me, the street was way too wide for me to be able to catch his eye and neither did I have to, like it sometimes is. Like sometimes, I just have to do certain things. He was on a call and was waiting to cross an intersection. And as he was just about to cross, he had the same clueless look like that I have sometimes. Gosh, what do you know! It doesn’t matter how old you get to be. You can still be clueless and it is totally okay for you to be so. I know – its taken me so many years to learn this one!
The next intersection I saw this Chinese kid trying to cross the street. He had this suitcase he was trying to lug around and maybe it was too heavy for him. He lost his footing, came in-front of a car, managed to get one of his slip-ons off. Way too embarrassing – one slipper on the foot, the other on the road and our guy trying to get his act together. The driver thankfully didn’t do the “Saavu Kraaki” routine or maybe there is no proper English equivalent for that term. And this guy managed to cross the door and later put on his other slipper. And he smiled. To himself. I am not going to come out with some random interpretation on how this made me feel ‘cos I have none. It was just weirdly cute!
I walked up the street, smiling to myself – one expedition that went well. I can still entertain myself and that is just a nice feeling. When you do not always need people around or the voices in your head to keep you amused. And I saw this restaurant on the Paris End of the Collins where they let you sit outside under those huge umbrellas. Something caught my eye and it wasn’t until I looked again that it struck me what it was. Everyone eating in that restaurant or at least everyone who had chosen to eat outside was a well-dressed-above-forty woman. Maybe everyone out there was having a girl’s day out, with a sister/friend. Mani, V and A – you were in my thoughts today. Another picture on my mind was the Old Woman dressed in her bridal dress from ‘The Great Expectations’ - I need to hunt up that book now. Another random thought!
An hour of soaking in on the bath tub, reading a not-so-bad book made the day better. Think will make some pasta for dinner now and call it a day. A peaceful end to what had started off as a chaotic-muddled-up day.

2010-09-25T19:04:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a friend's brother, someone I had come to know towards the end of my days in Bangalore. His cousin is A, b-school friend and one of my closest friends. So close that I think she now tries to avoid talking my ever sounding low calls. Hic Hic...
Now A's brother is amazing. He has this pretty neat uncomplicated way of looking at things that I am so jealous of. He is all plain speak and that is again a trait I have searched for in people I meet, in vain. All in all, he is like the brother I never had - always teasing me, making me see things in a different perspective, making me cry a couple of times and giving me loads of sensible advice. And for somebody much younger than me, he is pretty stable, again something I am envious of.

So we were just chatting up and he asks me how I have been and if I have been busy. Its a rebuke, for not having stayed in touch like I said I would while moving out of Bangalore.So I tell him, it aint that, just that lots of things have been happening.. So many things to deal with. And he asks me out of the blue - How is that possible, you and problems don't stay anywhere close. That brought a smile on my lips... Its a nice sunny day outside.. Think will go get some Vitamin D :)

2010-09-14T23:08:00.001-07:00

Just when I decided to blog frequently and take up writing a little seriously, stuff happened. Me moving to Melbourne is one. I also had to learn a much needed lesson in a bad way – You need to be very cautious while choosing whom to call your friend. I am over the mopping phase now (touch wood, hopefully it lasts!).
Just when you think your life has become way too complicated for you to handle, you realise there is a simple reason why it is so!
And hopefully, I will blog. write. smile. be myself :)

2010-07-26T03:27:00.000-07:00

Hello Guys,

Been quite a while since I posted here. Quite a couple of things on my mind that writing something that would make sense to a sane head was completely out of scope!
Now what was on my mind is something that you are not about to hear, not now not ever! You learn is all that I can say. Now over with that. :)

For those who did not know earlier, I am in Melbourne. Aparna knows and since she seems to be the only one reading my blog,everybody knows :) If there is someone else, the silent reader types - welcome and do leave a comment behind. Oh yea, thats me - the one with the hope against hope hopen kinda hope! I could do with some cheering right now.

Its been two weeks here. I wont do the like it/ dislike it part. It is way too soon. Its cold here, the weather is good on my skin and I like that part. My hair though is quite another story. Hopefully Parachute from the Indian Stores does its magik. Getting used to the 'scene' on street is a different thing altogether. I am so used to doing the turn to your left, then right, then left routine while trying to cross the road. Here, you just need to see the traffic signals. That huge leap of faith is something I haven't yet managed to find in myself. Also, I do not loose my way any more, fingers crossed. Wouldn't wanna jinx it.

It is not a big city, like an aquaintance once said 6 streets horizontal, 6 streets vertical. You can practically walk yourself across the street. Its easy to get/feel lost however. Small towns are easier that way I reasoned with myself while waiting for a friend on the street. Small place, friendly people, easy life... And then, I saw a common house sparrow. And another. And for reason that cannot be explained here,I felt a strong sense of belonging.Maybe it was the DDLJ ka "yahaan ka kaboothar kabhi India ho aayaa tha" logic or maybe there was just "something" about seeing something like a sparrow at a time when I was feeling lost and vulnerable. I know it sounds poetic, but then thats how I felt. :)

Or Maybe I am filmi!!And the rest of the evening only made things better - the stroll across Victoria Market, speaking in Telugu with the guy at the Indian store, longish conversations with another poor lost soul here, late night chai... It feels like home.

And on that note, Good Night to you guys....

2010-07-14T06:10:00.000-07:00

Flash Back

Some two years and a couple of months back, I was in Bombay.One night, dinner with two girls from work and big time bonding over food, fashion and work. The conversation steered toward 'problems in our lives' (for some reason!). And my friends took turns to elucidate one by one, the problems in their lives - the list just didn't seem to end. After what seemed like eternity, they looked back at me - I hadn't opened my mouth. I mean, not that I didn't have any problems but I was happy. Hey wait,I really didn't have any problems. And I said so.

Fast Forward

I do not think I can say that now - the No problems thing. Atleast not without battling an eyelid. And then it wouldn't really mean anything, would it?

2010-06-14T03:03:00.000-07:00

Just a thought.

Ever wondered how as kids we always thought everything was smashing, great, awesome. Just Bindaas!
And how as we grow up the superlatives are all replaced by nice, okay, good and so on.
Are our previous younger day experiences so amazingly wondrous that everything pales out in comparison? Perhaps Painful Growing Up lessons include a whole chapter devoted to Modesty? Do we grow up to be dignity personified selves only to be painfully shy to acknowledge the best times we had? Or maybe we are just plain superstitious to not to want to jinx our good luck?

2010-05-12T23:39:00.000-07:00

Some tortures are physical and some are mental,
But the one that is both is dental.

I don't think Ogden Nash ever ever had a cold!

2010-04-01T06:01:00.000-07:00

Anuradha Ma’am teaching civic class, 9B Circa 1998

Why is the right to education for all children under the age of 14 on the Directive Principles of State Policy and not a Fundamental Right?
Does it mean the government refuses to accept education as a fundamental right? Does making education a fundamental right automatically mean everyone will have access to it? How does matter to the government as to what education is – ain’t it imperative on the government’s part to ensure access to education for all? And probably it ain’t just access – maybe we would also need laws to enforce compulsory education for all.
And some twelve years later, Education does become a constitutional right!

PS: I am not expecting much immediately.But this shows a lot about our attitude. And hopefully things will fall in place.

2010-03-22T08:16:00.000-07:00

It still hurts.
The pain I thought long gone
Still hurts.

I buried the pain deep
In the darkest recess of my heart.

I thought I had forgotten all about it.
But how do you forget a thing you know you have forgotten?

The pain is back and it’s just the same.
I turn to words – trying to write away the pain.
How I wish I didn't have to write this.

2010-03-05T03:05:00.000-08:00

One of my earliest memories from my childhood is Appa reading out aloud to me and my sister. He would usually read from one of the numerous books he bought for us – usually Children's books originally in Russian translated into English or mythological books. He would sit on a chair. Madhu (my sister) would sit on the floor and I would sit on the arm rest, cuddling up to Appa.
And I hated it!
My sister would look up to Appa, engrossed in his narration. And I would have finished reading the page and would be impatiently waiting for Appa to turn the page. Appa however wouldn’t be hurried into anything (another trait I seem to have caught from him - I have to do things at my own pace - I will not be hurried/slowed down!) and he would read out aloud, pausing at every comma and full stop and stressing at significant places. His intonation of speech was amazing. In short, a lesson in prosody.
However, I never had the patience to appreciate any of it! After reading the current page, I did start fidgeting; I already knew what was in the page and wanted to know what was on the next. Madhu however would hang onto each word of his and would listen in rapt attention.
Appa soon realized that it was not my obsessive love for him that made me sit so close to him. And he hated the fact that I was sneakily peeking into the book. He made me sit on the floor from then on, but it was never the same again. Soon he stopped doing the read-out-aloud sessions and I went back to reading on my own.
But Madhu missed those sessions and so did Appa. I think it hurt Appa more than anything else.
Appa still tries to read out to me, from the Business line or one of his published papers. And I still fidget!!
Amma never took a picture of this, but I have gotten it in my head. I just need to close my eyes and remember.

PS: How I wish I had the sense to sit back and enjoy back then. I still can't do that!!

2010-03-02T20:38:00.000-08:00

The other day I asked a friend to stop brooding. And was magically transported back to class nine, KVAN.
It was the English class and PG, our English teacher was having a difficult time managing us(as usual). We were supposed to dramatize one of the English plays in our text book titled Meera Bhai and PG was randomly picking up people from different groups and asking them to play bits from the Play.
I was in Group Two - I was Meera Bhai, Nithin was the Rana, Suba was the Rani, Aravind was Bhojraj, Prasad was Jaisalmer, Deepika was Meera's nurse and Ramya was Sanjogta (Meera's close friend and lady-in-waiting).
The scene we choose to enact was the one where-in the Rana tries to reason out with Meera and get her to act 'normal'. He tells her to play with the children and knit and sew with the women.

Nithin asked me to stop breeding. Yea, you got that right. He was supposed to say brooding, but it came out as breeding. I thought it was so funny that I started laughing my goofy laugh and the whole class was in splits too. I soon realized that the joke was on me, but it was way too funny for me to stop laughing!

Like I tell you, Being N!V! ain't easy!

PS: PG thought I did make a better Rani than a Meera. I agreed 'cos I didn't want to be asked to breed, not again. I wore a parrot green sari and towered over the Rana. Meera forgot her dialogues. I forgot to face the audience while saying my part and when I remembered, I was talking to the audience and not to the people on the stage! All of us were just mouthing the dialogues and none of us got the chemistry right. I was miffed because I knew this was going to happen - I was always shepherding people into the rehearsals and nobody ever took the rehearsals seriously!

And yet, this is one of those things in my life that never fails to bring a smile on my face.

2010-02-17T03:57:00.000-08:00

Flashes of light can mean so many things – it can mean thunder, bringing with it the imminent rain; it can mean a camera clicking somewhere near, capturing a memorable moment for posterity; it can mean the flash from a welding arc that joins together two metal pieces; it can mean a plain flashlight brought out to aid sight in the dark by a battery-life conscious soul; it can even mean a plain hallucinated you!

However, with me it can just mean retinal detachment. Oblige me if I ask you if you saw the flashes too.

2010-02-16T21:21:00.000-08:00

oru naNban irundhaal
oru naNban irundhaal
kaiyoadu boomiyai sumandhidalaam
thodu vaanam pakkamae
thoda vaeNdum naNbaney
nam paeril thisaigaLai ezhudhalaam
kadalil nadhigaL peyar kalandhadhu
indha natpil engaL uyir kalandhadhu
natpu enbadhu engaL mugavari
idhu vaazhkai paadathil mudhal vari
indha ulagil miga perum yaeNi
naNban illaadhavan hey

thoazh meedhu kai poattu koNdu
thondriyadhellaam paesi oorai sutri vandhoam vandhoam
oruvar veettilae paduthu thoonginoam natpin poarvaikkuLLae
indha kaadhal kooda vaazhkkaiyil azhagilae thoandrumae
thoazhan endra sondham ondru
thoandrum namadhu uyiroadu

nenjukkuL nenjukkuL uLLa
eNNangaL eNNagaL solla naNban ore sondham
namadhu maejaiyil uNavu koottaNi adhil natpin rusi
ada vaazhkai payaNam maaRalaam natpu dhaan maaRuma?
aayuL kaalam thaerndha naaLil
naNban mugham dhaan maRakkaadhey

2010-02-15T03:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers,

Thank you for your wonderful support in keeping this blog running. Your constant encouragement in the form of nil comments has kept me going on. After all we all need something to strive for, don't we?

And I thought I had achieved what I had toiled for, when I found four comments waiting to be moderated. That made my otherwise depressing day. Well if that is a pleasant surprise, wait till I tell you more.  The first advertised a medical insurance policy, the second one talked about how a lady and her husband found a wonder drug and how happy they have been since then (whateva!), the third one egged me to open another link if I wanted to make money (guess this reader was just being concerned about my job, given the amount of time I spend doing total time pass in office ;) ) and the fourth one was trying to sell me something that I didn’t need in a language I didn’t understand.

I guess I might actually have a need for that insurance after all. There is only so much heartbreak that my frail heart can take after a short lived bout of happiness.

PS 1: I think I am gonna ctrl C  + ctrl V some sample spam comments.

PS 2: The Non Spammers amongst my otherwise silent readers are encouraged to comment and the
    not so silent ones amongst the Non spammers are encouraged to comment more. You will make my day :)

Obituary

2009-12-31T09:03:00.000-08:00

Dear Mom, Dad, Aparna, Sirisha, Bhargav et all (In all the probability almost everyone I know);

You remember the big brown dangling pair of ear rings I used to wear? Appa, the one you used to hate and refuse to come out me if I wore them? Amma, the one you would beg me to take off and wear a more appropriate one just to maintain domestic peace? Bhargav, the one you used to call tribal wear? The one Pavan used to describe as made from ball bearings and other metal scrap stolen from a garage? And the one that Aparna used to smile off – calling them as my “those” earrings.

For that matter they were always my “those” earrings, or at least that is how everybody who has seen me in them has called them. Few (Reality Check: more like a multitude of people) have been repulsed by the sight of those long ear rings, preferring instead that I wear something more traditional and refined (!). Most have begged me to take off the hideous thing. And there have been a couple of people who have absolutely loved them. There have also been very few like good ol’ Sirisha who never really voiced out anything (knowing her, I am sure she hated them); instead just asking me to do what I wanted to do – wear ‘em and not listen to all that jazz, err noise.

I guess I am just stalling. Those big beautiful brown earrings have died on me, in a freak accident. And so the earrings that loyally served me for about five years are no more.

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May their souls and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
Amen.

P.S.: And before you heave a sigh of relief and start gloating, I have already found the perfect replacement.

2009-12-13T10:27:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, I always fantasized of how things would work out. I visualized my future as a very ethereal, poetic dream. I would just flit in and out of things and Life did have an airy feel to it. Cut to reality. Everyday life is just a struggle against sheer boredom.

2009-12-10T06:53:00.000-08:00

She may be the face I can't forget
A trace of pleasure or regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
She may be the song the summer sings
May be the chill the autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of the day

She may be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell
She may be the mirror of my dream
A smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell

She who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
She may be the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
That I remember till the day I die

She may be the reason I survive
The way and wherefore I'm alive
The one I'll care for through the rough and ready years
Me, I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be

The meaning of my life is
She

2009-11-23T02:17:00.000-08:00

Sony Max, 8:00 p.m.

That is where I am gonna be tonight.

Update
It was'nt the same.

2009-11-17T07:40:00.000-08:00

A colleague and a fellow “Joined Company on XXX” flew back from Bulgaria yesterday and dropped into office post lunch. I am usually not very social after lunch, preferring to slump away in a half asleep half awake state until it’s time for my afternoon tea. And while I was enjoying my afternoon siesta as much as I could on my office chair, which by the way is no recliner; this Laddie walks up to me and says a good natured Hi. So far so good. Except for, one – I didn’t exactly want to talk to anybody then and two – I didn’t exactly want to talk to him.
You see, I am on what is called in IT parlance ‘the bench’. The bench is probably the best place to be in when you want to leave office early for shopping, when you don’t feel like going to office because you just feel like sleeping off last night’s hangover or when you want to take extended tea/lunch breaks as my dear friend Apar found out. However it is also the place where you don’t want to be in when you are in one of those pensive moods, evaluating your career and where you go on from here. And as a bencher, your friends are fellow benchers and you try to stay away from the non-benchers. There would be good natured queries on the bench status and condolences on not being on any project. And there are only a finite number of times that you can laugh it away and say it’s nice not being overworked for a change. Or joke about paid vacations. Or make the other person feel bad about not being on bench.
And as someone who has spent the last two months warming the bench, I dint quite feel up to the task. And while I quickly went about numerous excuses in my mind as to how I could cut the conversation short and make a quick exit, Laddie asks me why I am not my usual cheery self. Numerous attempts to deny so turned futile. I heard someone saying “Maybe that’s the effect you have on me”. Err, that was ME! Needless to say, Laddie made a show of wanting to talk to somebody in the next cubicle and made a quick exit. He never even as much glanced in my direction for the rest of the day, or at least till I called it a day.
And you know what? I didn’t feel bad about it. Sorry for him though. Okay just a li'l bit, but jus' a li'l. Maybe I'll talk to him tomorrow. :)

PS: I am now officially looking for a job. Looking for a project management/ corporate finance/general management role in an IT company – it’s the only business I have been formally trained in. Any inputs/suggestions/leads will be appreciated.

2009-11-15T10:52:00.000-08:00

I do not recognise myself anymore. I am no longer the person I thought I was. And I am not quite the person that I thought I did grow up to be.
It is not quite that I don't like the person I have turned out to be. What I need to figure out is if this is the person I want to be.
To be or not to be. :)

2009-11-14T19:46:00.000-08:00

An eye on the television, nay both eyes glued to the television now that my mother is no longer around to coax me into getting back to studying. I am still the errant teenager in more ways than one. A certificate examination next Saturday which is quite the "hard nut to crack", a Bengali roommate who can't understand Tamil, an hour past twelve by when I had decided to give up on my attempt to get back to books and all set to nod off with the fond hope that my books may have a greater appeal to me tomorrow (by now, its already tomorrow) morning 5 a.m. than now (fat chance that) and Alaipayuthe aired on K TV.

It was'nt a very difficult decision to make. Fate had decided so when my roomie not only switched on the channel but also started watching it. Now, how could I possibly try to go against what was already destined to be.

The movie brought back a zillion memories. Of hearing the music track for the first time in Revathi's house, of contemplating Shalini's character in the movie going by the lyrics (Timuru ku arasan and so on), of Shubha crooning the 'Netru Mun Iravil' piece in a very male-ish (read her own) voice, of watching the movie at Udhayam and of course, having this huge crush on Madhavan. The 90s movies never stop affecting me - maybe it has also got to do with my age at that time. I dont think a movie like KKHH would keep me engrossed today, but I can watch the original KKHH any day and every day. True, not a great movie but dont you ever tell me that. I loved the KKHH reference in Dostana too. The 90s music too - I think AR Rahman was better back then than now. Try telling me otherwise and you are up against a rock solid wall.

Maybe at that age (not that I am pretty old now, just a decade back :) ), things affected us more than they can probably do now. Maybe thats the reason we feel the way we feel about our first loves too, we never seem to be able to shrug off that feeling, no matter how lucky we get later on. Nothing seems to measure up. :) And before a few smart alecks, some of whom hopefully still keep getting back to my blog in the fond hope that I may have gotten over my writer's block yet start asking me about this - I said first loves which can mean just about anything. Yeah, that too. :)

2008-10-29T04:13:00.000-07:00

Its been three years since I first blogged. From an initial reluctance to write about myself this blog has seen me getting more comfortable sharing the unanswered questions on my mind, how I feel/thing about certain issues and the going-ons in my life with fellow netizens who frequent my blog.
It has really been nice having you guys around. Thank You! Your comments made many a day for me.
Quite a few of my last posts have wallowed in self doubts and reveal a Me that is very skeptical of what is to come. In fact after five days at home, I find my recent posts rather depressing to read. :)
But this too shall pass.
Hoping I find myself again, very soon and you keep your patience till then. :)
And last but not the least, wishing my blog a Happy Birthday!!

2008-06-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

A couple of days back somebody I hardly knew asked me if I believed in God. It had been quite a while since somebody had asked this question and I dint know what to say. Do I say No and be branded as an aetheist and a non-conformist? Do I say Yes? Saying the truth, atleast to the person in question was out of question - he wouldnt understand as wouldnt most people.

The truth is an indifference - It stopped worrying me a long time back as to why I dont know the answer to a question questioning my beliefs. This question used to drive me crazy back at school - I dint want to believe in a God to whom one prayed to, for good things. I believed that a li'l bit of hard work and some smart thinking was all that was required to create one's destiny. I dint want to believe in a God who was benevolent to his devotees inspite of whatever they had done. I dint want to believe in a God who was'nt always as fair and just as he would be expected to be. But most of all, I believed that the ultimate thing we all must answer to is our own conscience - If we can look into our own eyes without fear and with pride intact - thats all that matters. Because regardless who knows what, we would always know.

And as time went by, I stopped praying and going to temples on my own. I had my own strong sense of right and wrong and as long as I stayed within the boundaries of right, I had nothing to fear. I still went to temples with my parents though. I looked at the people around me, their radiant faces while they had their arms up in prayer - is this what belief and conviction do to people? The fact that there is a God who will always make things right for them must ease out of lots of things for them ( this is not meant to be condescending or patronising) - As for me, the truth that I can make my own destiny is also a bit overwhelming - What if I goof up? I am but a doubter amongst strong believers in a temple.

I try to reason out with myself as to how people had to invent this mythical God - those were the savage times - People could'nt be expected to know the right from wrong. They had to have a punishing Deity - like the ones numerous villages still have. And a benevolent God when they did the right things. The Pagan God was necessary to make sure people did'nt become arrogant because of what they had been able to achieve so far as much as to give a hope to people that they were'nt alone and that a much greater power would always step in when things got a bit rough.

Nothing helped though. Then I read Robert Langdon's Angels and Demons. It made a nice read. And it also set me thinking. There is a part when Victoria asks Langdon whether he believes in God. Langdon tells her how difficult it is for him to believe in a God who would 'rule in such a way' ( Codes of conduct, requirements and penalties).

And this is what Victoria says

"Mr. Langdon, I did not ask if you believe what man says about God. I asked if you believed in God. There is a difference. Holy scripture is stories . . . legends and history of man's quest to understand his own need for meaning. I am not asking you to pass judgment on literature. I am asking if you believe in God. When you lie out under the stars, do you sense the divine? Do you feel in your gut that you are staring up at the work of God's hand?"

( yea.even Fictional Novels and Romantic Commedies can have deep moments.)

And my answer is I dont know. When I was at the top a hillock at Trayambakeshwar or walking by the side of the creek in Dubai - I was overwhelmed. I had goosebumps all over me. I could'nt exactly put into words how I felt - but I knew I would always remember the feeling.

And so, when this guy asked me 'If I believed in God"; I said yes. Yea I do but perhaps not the same sort of God. And perhaps not the same kind of belief. I dont know if I am agnostic, pagan or simply aetheist. And it doesnt bother me.

Koi To Ho...

2008-05-29T03:03:00.000-07:00

koi to ho jiske liye jeena ho to marnaa paDe
ho koi to ho jiske liye jeena ho to marnaa paDe
arey marnaa ho to, jeenaa paDe
baDi mushqil hai ye dil vil, ye dil vil uf allaah
ye dil vil uf allaah

koi to ho jiske liye jeena ho to marnaa paDe
arey he he marnaa ho to, jeenaa paDe

ho.. koi to ho, mil jaaye to
hey.. shaaKhoN pe rakh ke aise sajaayeN
aaNkhoN mein saare mausam bitaayeN
shabnam mein bheegi baaten sunaayeN
aaNkhoN mein saare mausam bitaayeN
ke aaNkhoN mein, koi to ho jiske liye jeena ho to marnaa paDe
arey marnaa ho to, jeenaa paDe

huN.., ta na na ta na te re na, ta na te re na

aisaa bhi hogaa ek roz to, jab tum hamaare ghar aao to
ho ruk jaayeN saari duniyaa ke raste
aa jaayeN aaNsoo jab haNste haNste
phir nahin aanaa, na kahin jaanaa
ruk jaayeN raahen, muk jaayeN raste ke raste mein
koi to ho jiske liye jeena ho to marnaa paDe
arey koi to ho jiske liye jeena ho to marnaa paDe
baDi mushqil hai ye dil vil, ye dil vil uf allaah
ye dil vil uf allaah

2008-05-01T01:26:00.000-07:00

My worst fear just came true last sunday. Somebody I hadnt met until that day, walked upto me and enquired "Are'nt you the one who is feeling not so great about all her friends getting married?".

It was the Indibloggers meet - the first bloggers meet I have ever attended and Man, was it fun! We were supposed to be meeting at three in a banquet hall in Prabhadevi and close to one, I almost chickened out. I wasnt very sure whether I wanted to go. My friends joked about psychopaths and mafia dropping in. As for me, I was pretty sure I would not know a single soul there. As I willed myself to leave the guest house, my mother's words kept ringing in my ears - "Dont ever talk to strangers". And here I was, precisely doing that, even traversing half the city to do that.

I bought my ticket in the Andheri station and boarded the train and put on my not so brand new Zen MP4 player - only to have 'Mama told Me....Dont be talking to a stranger..' screaming out. I almost got down at Ville Parle, but my dear mother had told me never to get down from a running bus, leave alone a running train. :)

As I entered the banquest hall, I realised I was the first non-organiser to arrive. How is it that a person like me - who has never reached school on time, who always had college bus drivers cursing me and who had all the colleagues in the office bus trying to tell me very nicely that my story was like all fine and hillarious, but would I please mind being on time the next day - managed to be early at the wrong places.
But and there always has to be a but - we had gracious hosts, who did their best to make everybody feel at home and whats more important, succeeded.
We had folks who were running or were part of internet businesses.There was one guy I'll have to make a special mention of, though. He was a professional blogger and had been providing content for a blog on parenthood. And no.. He was'nt a father. He talked about how his work had been stressful. That proves it guys - You can not mix business and pleasure. ;)
Anyways all's well that ends well. He was there to talk on "How to make money on internet" and left us saying he was soon gonna have a personal blog.
There was a representive from Microsoft, the sponsors - a final year engineering student from Chennai - Cant believe I was her, just some three years back. Time does fly very fast.
I have one crib though - there was a question on the feedback asking me if the agenda of the meet was a relevant one. And I was like 'Did I miss something there?'. All in all it was as if we had been given a full license to have fun ( Not that I am complaining ;) )and even the presentation on the Microsoft Live Writer dint mar the afternoon. Actually it was a good one - short and sweet. And moi thinks I might just use it.
So all in all here is to some four hours of fun, a nice spread which was more of lunch and less of high tea and some great acquaintances!
The super deli-lick-ious ice cream was a real wow. And so was the afternoon.

2008-04-03T03:08:00.000-07:00

I cant believe it! I just can not fathom it. People around me are getting married, engaged and committed. Friends, class mates and colleagues - some my age and some younger than me.
In the beginning it was fun. I got to dress up, go to their weddings, feast on various delicacies and have fun. There was always this question of what to gift. But then, I have always had friends who were too good at things like these. So I never really worried about that.
It was my school mate who started it, right after we finished our boards. Yup. You got that right, at seventeen. Then it was J, another school mate who got married when she finished college. I was still in college then. Then there were two college mates who eloped. They were the talk of the college for days to come.Another college mate got married and came back for her final semester. And then there were always other friends, my best friend included who were busy getting married and setting up house while I was away in a B-School.
But all of these were very sporadic "instances".
But now. Now there is one whole slew of people I know waiting to tie the knot. The people with whom I played ring-a-ring-a-roses are now busy planning their lives. And the others who have already done so, have all fit in so very well into the roles of ideal wives, daughters-in-law, sisters-in-law and so on. I asked one friend who got married last year if I could ever ever do it. Pat came her well practiced reply, "Of course you can and you will. I mean there will always be this fear. I mean its such a big responsibility... Such a big step. Some guy you dont know. And a whole new family that you need to accept.....Everything is so very new...." That was the day I realised two things. One, My own friends were getting ready to be wives and mommies and that they were trying out all their new knowledge on me. Two, my idea of a marriage was'nt exactly shared by my friends. One reinforced what I had suspected for a very long time, that most of my friends and class mates thought of me as somebody who dint know any better and who had to be "guided". Two added to my friends' belief that I had to go against whatever was traditional and acceptable. I dint quite like the very ideas!
Disclaimer : Before the few smart alecs I have amongst my readers, who never see the point and have always mis-read my posts start writing off this post as an "Everybody around me is getting married, And Oh I am so very single" post, thats just so very not right.
And its not that I cant handle something thats supposedly so very grown up either.
I have always thought of my family in terms of my parents, myself and my sister. Leaving this family to start another one, where I did be what my mother was to my father, me and my sister is not something I ever thought I was gonna deal with. I have'nt ever thought of myself as a wife or a parent. Its not about growing old, its about having to play other roles.
Its just that I am yet to figure out myself and what I exactly want to do with my life. And people around me have made very crucial life decisions. One friend of mine even has a two and a half year old kid.
Some where deep down, within myself, something tells me while I cant handle the idea of being responsible for myself, some people my age are responsible for others. They even welcome and reach out to this "additional" responsibility. While I am just cautiously testing the shallow waters of responsiblity, the kids I grew up with are very confidently swimming in deep waters.
Am I just being the late bloomer I have always been, needing more time than everybody else to get used to an idea? Have all those friendly taunts of not being great with responsibilities and being a goofer emotionally scarred me for life?

Work In Progress

2008-03-31T03:14:00.000-07:00

The ignominy of being forgotten did me in I think.
To do prison time for three years is one thing. To do prison time for a crime you dint commit is another.
I was a nice guy. A decent guy.Intelligent. Not your IIT types. But willing to learn and work hard.We were doing good. Me and my wife that is. Our own flat, two BHK and fully furnished. I had a bike and we were going to buy a car.My wife was beautiful,graceful,smart and when she said yes, I couldnt believe my luck.Such things dint happen to guys like me every day, but when it did I promised to myself that I would make it work.That I would one day be worthy of her love. I loved her dearly.
I killed my wife. Or so they said.She went missing and her parents filed a complaint against me. Our neighbours whenquestioned told the police of how I did come drunk every night and how me and my wife used to fight, day in and day out.They told the police about how much of a fairy tale princess she was, which she was; and also how I dint deserve an angel like her. I very totally agreed with them, silently. And in two weeks, I was arrested.

Yesteryear Rapunzel wants to visit the hair saloon

2008-03-28T06:24:00.000-07:00

My to- do-list (Oh yea. I make them. Every time. Not that I stick to it. And neither can I find them when I need them.) for this weekend reads

Go Jogging
Do the laundry
Dry them ( for those of you who think this ought to follow, you dont know me!)
Iron them
Make the IT investments
Do a bit of studying ( I actually feel a bit guilty these days, not having done any studying over the past one year, after having been a student for like 21 years)
Vist the saloon
Make the shopping list
Go shopping

Now all the items on the list are plain enough excepting one. Now I sure am the one for procastinating things,put off things for tomorrow.
Aaj Karai So Kal kar, Kal karai so parson.
Pal me Parlay hoyegi, Tho karne kaheki Zaroorath
is how I used to jocularly recite one of Kabir's couplets.

Now, there is one thing on the list, that I have thought about, for like years.I have wanted to do it for years. Nope. Not my clothes. I wash them every week, how much ever I hate the job. :)Its the visit the saloon part.
For years I have worn my hair long. Plaited it actualy. Owgay... Oiled it and plaited it - my mother that is. I have had to compete with my locks for my mother's attention all these years. Me thinks she loves it more than me. She fed my okra aka math curry so that I could become another Ramanjum and milk and eggs 'cos it was good for my hair. She applied oil to my hair everyday and made me wash it with Shikakkai once a week. She forbade me to use the hair dryer. She religiously cut my hair every other fortnight, once in a while - the fortnight when the moon was waxing. It dint help. Sigh. And dint help to have a cousin whose hair was the envy of half of Hyderabad. The other half doesnt concern itself with such petty things. They have world peace and Tollywood dance moves to think about.
Now you always yearn for things that you dont have and cant have. And yearn I did. My sister had a hair cut. The lady at the beauty parlour wouldnt touch mine - she said she wasnt gonna chop away my beautiful locks because of my momentary fancies.
Hmmm.. Those were the days... When I was like the Rapunzel of my class....But when I am no longer one and when I no longer live at home, so that my mom can continue to maintain my hair, I reasoned out I definitely wanted and was "eligible" for a hair cut. Now, thats not very difficult right?
Wrong..... Not when you are me and have a mother like my mother. For years, she has been putting it off, citing every possible and impossible lame excuse and for years I have not had my hair cut. I guess its because its due to her genes that I used to have beautiful hair once and also because so much of hardwork and time ( my mother's of course!) has gone into it. And I guess she has'nt yet lost the hope that one fine day, my hair will mysteriously start growing and regain its lost glory.
The last time I went home, I went back to begging - putting on my charming persuasive self that my mother can look through.And she relented! Wow!!!! Finally.... And off we went to a hair saloon... Nope. I couldnt get one done that day. But what the hair stylist was just not so nice.. She told me I had very thin hair ( sob sob) and should go in for a step cut...You should have seen me some eight years back Lady!!
For those of you who know me and dont remember the long hair, it was before you. For those of you who have known me for a very long time and dont remember the long hair, you are suffering from amnesia. For those of you who think I am just plain deluded, please dont tell me so.
Now that its a green signal from Amma Jaan, all that is needed for me is to go a saloon. But the thing is.. Now I am not so sure if I want one. Like I am so very used to whatever it is that I see on the mirror.I mean you get used to things that you have been living with, for 24 years and 10 months and your mirror reflection is one of them.
I even bought some special green coloured oil that claims to make my hair grow stronger and longer, the other day, with the fond hope of giving my cousin some healthy competition. That runs in the family I guess - hoping I mean. Even when it is hope against hope hopen kinda hope.
I just hope I dont chicken out this weekend. I mean I hope if I do chicken out, I chicken out before going to the saloon;not while I am on the high raise chair. I hope I dont go shrieking when the hair stylist takes out her scissors. I hope I dont get to shriek after the job is all done. And I hope my mirror continues to smile at me.

Happy Birthday!

2008-03-27T04:50:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Mom!
And Happy Birthday Shubha D.

Notes From Home

2008-03-23T02:29:00.000-07:00

I have finally realised that being amongst the people you love and home made food can make all your troubles go away. I cannot believe that it was only last Wednesday that I thought I had all the problems in the world - I was alone and friendless in a city where I knew nobody, I dint exactly love my work, I worried that nobody around me cared a damn as to whether I lived or died as long as I got my work done, I hadnt made my tax investments yet and was gonna get fewer peanuts than usual this monthend and generally just felt depressed. I needed something to make me believe in myself and my usual inspirational motivational talks to myself werent helping.That is until I got home on Thursday morning. Usual frantic calls between amma, appa and me over where to get down - I have been making these visits to Hyderabad close to 8 months but we still have to make these calls. :)
I havent done much in the last four days. Infact I havent even stepped out of home or met the few friends I do have in Hyderabad. All that I have done is to sit and laze around, something that I havent been able to do in quite sometime. Sometimes being with people who love you for what you are and accept you that way can do so much to your self confidence. It gives you the courage to go brave the world.

I hate the Dominoes guys. Amma simply had to have pizzas and the Pizza Corner and Pizza Hut guys wouldnt deliver to our home. I had to call up the Dominoes guys even though I hate their pizzas; kept getting one number after another - only to be told their server was down and they wouldnt be accepting anymore orders! Can you imagine? To be refused by, of all ppl Dominoes!!

This is a conversation me and my mom had about parents and kids.
Me : You know? You are an ideal parent!
Mom : Gee.. Thank you...
Me : You never accept that your kids are perfect.
Mom : Grrrrrr....

Me and Mommy kinda got lost in the Ramoji film city. We decide to ask a lady who has just stepped out of Filmy Duniya - a place in Ramoji where shows are held, for directions.
Me : Excuse me, which is the show going on inside?
Lady : Some cartoon show... I dont know
Me ( now that doesnt help) : Is it the one in which you get to ride a mini train....
Lady : I dont know... I just came from New York.
This was where mom and me started giggling.

I'll be leaving for Mumbai in like three hours. But think things will be better for a few days to come. And when I get grouchy, I know exactly what to do. :)

Make your Pick

2008-03-10T23:49:00.000-07:00

A tragic comedy or a comic tragedy?
Arrange for yourself to fall in love or get to love your arranged spouse?
Beach or the mountains?
Jet Black or virginal white?
Sight or Speech?
Airy dreams or well grounded rationalizations?
Waltz headstrong into life like there is no tomorrow or slowly let each moment sink into you, savouring everything that life has to offer?
Soulful symphony or the earthy pagan rythmic drum beats of Congo?
Thoughtful words or wordy thoughts?

To a new beginning

2008-03-10T04:59:00.000-07:00

Years back when I first started to blog, I told myself I did write about how I felt and thought about things in a very impersonal manner-Only to realise that doesnt work out that way. You cant really do thoughtful thoughts in an unpassioned manner.Over the three years I have been blogging, I havent really blogged as much as I did have wanted to. When I had all the time in the world and my own desktop in my own room in my previous incarnation as an MBA student, I dint want to reveal lots about myself to unknown strangers who did read my blog. Now, when I no longer have the need to be conscious of every single word that I write, I really dont have so much time so as to let my mind wander aimlessly, get zillions of humorous, thoughtful, witty ideas, latch onto some and then put it on paper. And even if I did have the time,which I dont; I cant. 'Cos there are so many many people around me and way too close - no privacy. Colleagues who keep looking at my screen and nodding their head in disbelief and disapproval - 'What was I doing in office hours?'So what if there wasnt much work to do. I was still expected to make myself useful.' But more than anything else, eight hours (if not more) of looking at a computer screen cannot really inspire you to write.
I cant really place a finger on what went wrong. This is not how things were meant to be - blogging was supposed to be cathectic. Instead my posts have been reduced to bablings that I scrawl away over the time I steal away from the tea breaks, lunch breaks, gossip breaks and so on. All that I can seem to blog now are crib stories of how much I hate my job and the people around me. Do I really hate my job? Actually No. My job could have been much worse, like my dear friend Apar's ( and Apar has just told me that she doesnt really hate her job either :) ).
Infact I actually like my job, when I really have work.Do I really hate my colleagues? Again an emphatic No. Well, they do get onto my nerves at time. But then who doesnt? I can only say, I am like Harriet the Spy. Please dont hate me if I have said a few unkind words about you. Its Just Me!
And so.. Here ends all of this. And I am gonna do my best to blog and blog good stuff.I am not sure if I can do that though. There have been lots of things that have changed about me. MBA has taught me to think in terms of points, to prune away the unnecessities and stick to the bare mimimum.Now I am gonna try to unlearn all of that. I am really gonna try to write stuff that I did be proud of writting and stuff that I did read. My usual stuff in my usual style. The stuff that used to make my English teachers want to treasure my examination papers.
Okay. I kinda went overboard. :)
Have I lost my edge? I hope not!

I dont wanna crib.. I am not gonna crib...I wont crib...

2008-03-06T20:10:00.000-08:00

I get these really crazy money making schemes. Some of them are just plain whacky, some pretty good. However I have'nt ever had the patience to single mindedly latch onto one and implement it. The good ones are either forgotten or stashed away into some remote compartment of my brain, perhaps for future perusal. And me and my friends have a good laugh over the rest.
The latest scheme which me and my MBA and software friends have hatched is to go on with our jobs, however difficult the going gets; record each and every ridiculous , funny and heart whelming story and make a book out of it! Who knows we might just get lucky....
And this one thought is what keeps me going - gives me the strength to endure one bossy, frustrated, everybody is out there to get at me colleague; a very weird, lost in his own world, chain smoker of a project manager; a chirpy engineer fresher who cant stop talking of his non stop grass smoking and boozing college days - add to this an "I cant handle this" assistant RM, who keeps getting minor heart attacks every other minute; an RM who can sweet talk you into doing things you just dont want to do and not in a very nice manner, mind you; colleagues who are just plain boring for their own good; in a land where I know no other soul....
I start out each single day telling myself, I am no cribber. But that as you can see,doesnt seem to help. Anyways some good has come out of it. With nothing else to do, I have become this fitness enthusiast. I jog for like an hour a day, sweat it out in the gym for another hour; just out of sheer boredom. Like my mom says; Jo Hotha hai achche ke liye hothaa hai.

And then another year passed by...

2007-12-31T10:48:00.000-08:00

Here is wishing all my readers a Happy New Year! May all that you wished for and hoped for become yours.
And this new year sees me blogging at the start of a new day and the new year wishing you all. In other words, at home doing nothing...
Another year has passed by... I have grown fatter, have more grey hairs than the last year and perhaps just a tad wiser. And have seen another year go... Was this year that insignificant I ask?
And then comes the answer... I started work. Went from being a workoholic to realising that I do want a life. Hopefully the new year will see me doing things I enjoy and keeping business and pleasure different. :p
But beyond this achievement of employment, I see nothing else. Havent been to the moon yet. Hvnt published my book. Few things I wanted to do. Heheheeh. I am still serious abt the book though.
As a child I presumed I could conquer the world! I could find new scientific theories, publish new books, become the Prime Minister. All that was required was for me to intelligent and me to work hard. I have come to realise that I cant do one and may not be the other.
I emphathise with Emanuel Derman ( My Life as a Quant) when he says he wanted to be another Einstein at 16; another Feynman at 21 and a future Lee at 24. At 35 he merely envied the postdoc in the office next door because he had been invited to give a seminar in France.
Do we give up because people around us tell us things are not possible? Or do we just stop believing what our parents told us about hard work and determination?
I know...Not a very nice feeling to have on the new year. This too shall pass. Perhaps I will go and "achieve" something substantial. Or perhaps I will just get used to the idea of being a nobody. Think I will go to sleep now.

My MP3 Player!

2007-11-26T12:56:00.000-08:00

I have bought an MP3 player. Finally....
Lots of people have been asking me to do so. My parents, my sister, my friends. Infact people cant understand how I can go without one.
You see people think I am this big music freak. And I think freak is just not the right word.. ME!!
Music has quite an effect on me. Each note, each high and low note will make me go that way. Soulfull music can stir in me thoughts and feelings of another world. Now dont ask me what that is supposed to mean...And peppy music can really pep me up.
All through out the night I did play music in the hostel. I had too. The silence within the four walls comforted me as good as it frightened me. It felt nice to be within my own room. It was somewhere where I could just be me and with me.And it was frightening 'cos I was supposed to feel lonely being alone and I wasnt. Was I some psychopath in the making? Was I gonna kill my clustermates in their beds? Was I turning crazy?
And music somehow was the solution.
I had always been music crazy before, I only got more crazier. I played music all day long and all night long.I did play Pyaar Tune Kya Kiyaa early into the morning. And the eerie music sounds great in the early hours of the morning than any other time. Maithrim Bhajatha and other classical songs became my cluster mates morning wake up call. Every now and then one of my clustermates did make a passing mention of how she got up at three in the morning, only to hear Mysterious Girl or Forever and For Always. And I did never react. Everyone is entitled to a couple of eccentrities and so am I! Okay.. More than just a couple....
And so... People never really understood why I gave up this idiosyncracy of mine when I joined work. Not entirely though....I did still borrow my colleague's headphones when it became too noisy around me. And at home I borrowed my uncle's mobile phone to listen to the radio.
And now this new MP3 player of mine with FM tuning.
I can now go gaga ga over music all day long to my heart's and ears' content!!

Home is where the heart is!

2007-11-23T10:01:00.000-08:00

Finally... Am gonna be home. Next Wednesday I'll be flying back to India and the feeling is great. Dont mistake me. Dubai is a great place. My first onsite opportunity in my first project at my first job. Lucky Me!
Living in a hotel apartment, hogging like crazy on your breakfast 'cos you dont know whether the lunch you 'll be buying from the Greens Choitram did be palatable, putting up with thousands of network and connectivity issues, walking into the IT support room the first thing in the morning with issues and sitting over the support people until they are solved, trying to work ;, getting food from Choitram and always regretting over the wrong decision :P, living on chocolate bought from the vending machine at office, trying to pull up a con job on the client (Imran : if you by chance find your way here, I am just trying to make this post humorous. Reveleus works, you know!) ...
Its been quite a month. But I am glad its over. Its only in a place like Dubai that you did miss home more. When you hear this more than just occasional words in Malayalam and Tamil, when you see someone wearing a sari, see someone eating a dosa, hear Hindi songs being played on the radio and malayalam channels, read news about India in the local newspaper... Everything reminds you of home. Of people back home who will wait for hours to get your call, just to listen to your voice. Of people who havent managed to loose faith in you and never will. Of people who have managed to keep their faith in you alive throughout those troublesome years and who have given you all that you have and all that you will ever need.
Thank you folks! For having been there for me.
And I hope I'll be able to make all of this worthwhile.

Doobaiyy

2007-10-23T12:56:00.000-07:00

So how is Doobai? Very much like Chennai in Mya maasam. Except that it is supposedly the winter here. ;)
The city is great!! Indians (and more of Malyalis and software professionals at that ;) ), Pakisthanis, Arabs, Africans, Europeans... Did I miss out any continent? Cosmopolitan in the truest sense!
I love this city. I look at wonder at the clean roads and tall buildings..... and people. People who wait for you to cross the road, people who use words like thank you and sorry. People who dont jump lines. People who dont park their vehicle just anywhere. People who hold doors for others (not just for women mind you. I hold doors for people 'cos I dont want them hitting the door. And they just walk past me in a gruff manner like I were some durbhan or something).
No.w dont get my wrong. I am not just some Desi in phoren land who starts talking ill about her country. Its just that the very same people can be all this here and all that there.
For now its been work, work and work. And nothing seems to be working. ;)
But the going is not all that bad either. I had heard dreadful tales about onsite. Well things here are infact a tad better than in Bangalore. Just that out offshore team has been having a very bad time. Thank you lots guys! Infact we are the ones supporting you while you do all the work back there.
I have only been to the Mall of Emirates and what a place. Must be the biggest mall in the world. Will keep blogging.

Wish Me luck!

2007-10-13T09:54:00.000-07:00

Tuesday is all set to dawn in another two days and I am not so sure whether I want it to.
I feel the way I feel before an exam. I hate exams. I hate tests of any sort!
I dont want to be tested on what I know and what I dont know. The test aint gonna change what is for a fact and I dont want what I know to be tested and certified.
I dont want the exam. But if it is gonna happen anyways, let me get done with it sooner than later. But then, I am not prepared either! I dont know a thing! As if I am gonna know sometime later, another part reasons out.
Anyways, I am all set to travel to Dubai on a project. I am euphoric and scared, both at the same time. Wish me luck! And , wish the client luck. ;)

Back to cribbing!!

2007-10-11T00:53:00.000-07:00

All that I do these days is to work, work and work! And nothing works!!

Once Upon a time....

2007-09-25T10:04:00.000-07:00

A long time ago, a li'l gal heard a song. And loved it so much that she couldnt stop herself from humming it. For that matter nobody ever could. Infact thios li'l gal grew up to be somebody who hummed to herself even during the boards, much to the chagrin of one ms.'s'omebody.
Then she found out that there was even this tape of this song at home. She managed to wear down the tape!
Then many many years later, she saw the movie and she liked it lots! It had no stars.. Only Shabana Azmi, Naseeruddin, Jugal Hansraj and Urmila Matondkar.
Then finally she read the book day before yesterday...

Well I finally read Man, Woman and Child and thts just the reason for verbal diarrhoea. Why use fewer words when you can use more seems to be my fundaa!!

Its close to eleven, everybody else from my project team has left, lots of work to do but no inclination and the " " night cab aint here!!!

This and That

2007-09-16T22:24:00.000-07:00

Saw bits and piences of Courage Under Fire. What a movie! And Matt Damon is my latest crush! I might even see the Bourne movies just for him!! ;)

One of my colleagues says abt another "What a pathetic sense of dressing!!" I nod my head in unison. She wears supposed-to-be formal skirts and they look bad on her. Add a schoolish bag on her shoulders and a Kush Kush Hota Hai Kajol hear band and you have "the" recipe for a fashion disaster. My dear colleague continues, "She used to wear Kurthas and salwar kameez.. I used to think she was married with atleast two kids".
I near choke on my cornflakes...
Afterall I come from a place where skirts are Paavadais. Short skirts are worn by people who have no money to buy new ones after they have overgrown their old ones. Or they might be hand-me-downs from a niece! And wear trousers, you are a guy ( my very own experience!)!!
I need a makeover. I need to revamp my wardrobe.

I just realised I dont get on very well with Punjabis! There is just been one Punjabi, though . This is the guy I am replacing in the project. But then no wonder; he is not pushy, he is not aggressive, no bawdy jokes.

I'll soon be moving to Mumbai onsite. Yea, the project I am working on has the onsite implementation in Mumbai.

Why Cant.........

2007-09-14T03:48:00.000-07:00

Its a Friday evening. Everybody around me is just so very euphoric. The weekend is about to dawn. And I am in tears.
Tomorrow is Vinayaka Chathurthi and is aholiday, notwithstanding the fact it is already a weekend. And I have to yet again cancel my plans to go home. 'Cos my dear PM has already made plans for my weekend!!
Thanks to him, I'll have to spend a Saturday at home, crying myself to sleep 'cos there's Puja at home and he cant work! And thanks to him I'll be working on a Sunday on a project that was supposed to go live this April. I am sure a weekend is in no way gonna matter! But then it does, to him atleast!!
I hate people who have supposedly seen the world, have more grey hairs than me and act in a stupidly childish manner!! My PM made my last week plans too. So I went and cancelled my tickets some two hours before departure, lost money in the process and took back my luggage home.And spent the next days at home, 'cos the server was down.
And this week, it is just the same!! He'll have his puja. I'll have my work!
And by the way, he has already left office for the day!!
Why did my parents have to do such a good job of bringing me up? Why cant I plain just tell him I cant work this way and it aint fair? Why cant I tell him its just not fair that he makes my weekend plans for me and doesnt even bother telling about them? Why cant he understand that while his family is very much in Bangalore, I live some 12 hours away from mine! Why cant he understand that I need two whole days off, during the weekend? And that I need two whole days to spend some measly thirty hours with them? Why cant the world be justly fair with me?

Why?

2007-09-12T21:23:00.000-07:00

Why must I always be so very sarcastically rude and caustically acerbic? Why am I not nice to people who are nice? Why must Saturn reside on my tongue?

Putting the record straight!!

2007-09-11T22:49:00.000-07:00

One of my friends asked my yesterday as to why I hadnt been blogging in quite a while! Now while it is indeed a matter of honour for any author/blogger to hear these words from her readers; Sriram - I take offence at the "nothing to crib about, is it" statement!
few readers of mine seem to think this blog is my outlet for all my life's frustrations. Few others seem to think I blog to publicise my clumsiness. This is where I set the record straight. I am neither a frustrated Yem Bee Yae nor is this blog an e-account of how I make people laugh in real life.
It takes more than just plain guts to write about how you managed to make a fool of yourself! And not embelish the story to make you look smarter, even though it is very tempting to do so!
And with regard to all my "funny" antics, what can I say? As Bertram Wilberforce Wooster puts it, it is difficult to make people laugh when you are recounting a joke. But they always manage to find something funny at your expense, when you dont find it a list bit funny!!

Wannabe Writer!

2007-08-22T21:39:00.000-07:00

I want to be a writer. If not anything else this blog has made a couple of laughs possible!
Call it the P.G.Wodehouse' effect on me (I read lots of them these days. And while I am laughing to my hearts content, all by myself and P.G.Wodehouse; folks around me try to call up NIMH!)
I reason I am better off than P.G. in one very important aspect. After all he had to create this fictional Bertie, while I can write about myself!

Dear Career Counsellor

2007-08-22T03:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Career Counsellor,
I am an MBA with an electrical engineering degree, working in a software firm. My designation reads Associate consultant and I was hired to give "functional inputs".
My work revolves around excel sheets. I am very happy to inform you that within two and a half months of employment I have received extensive practice on the following keyboard shortcuts : Control+C, Control+V,Control+F. I also now know how to use the function VLOOKUP. Being the fast learner I am, I can assure you Madam that I ll learn more very soon.
I like the organisation I work for too. I can have all the ginger,cardomom, masala and lemon tea I want for free. I can have coffee too, if I want. But I dont like it. Sometimes I take milk. There is even a microwave in the pantry. So I am very happy with my organisation.
However my "natural" skills lie elsewhere. You see I can crib pretty well. I can crib all day long and all night long. I am good at cutting pasting too, but I am the best when it comes to cribbing. That I can say with confidence. I can crib even about not having anything to crib about. So much that my best friend jokes about me being a professional cribber. I know livelihood is no joke. But this gave me an inspiration.
There are so many many depressed people out there who think nothing can ever ever happen right with them and who are always so very down in the dumps. I got this brain wave of offering my cribbing services to them. I am sure I can make them feel that there is atleast one person who is worse off than them. This "I am better off than her" positive thought will motivate them to do better. This way I can earn my livelihood and also give something back to the society.
Please advice me on this.
Yours Truly,
Alltime Cribber

Monday Morning Blues!!

2007-08-12T22:02:00.000-07:00

Monday Morning Blues. The title says it all!!
Its been some two hours since I reached office and I havent managed to get any work done!!
All that I have done is social loafing; jump from one work station to another, make small talk on wht people did in the weekend, wht they bought, where they went window shopping, whats fashionable and whts not! And I am getting good at stuff like this! And dont know how this realisation makes me feel about myself!Okay, atleast something about me is consistent, this vague all muddled up kinda feeling sometimes (read all times) that I have about myself.
I cant work!I cant look into excel sheets and pretend to myself I am loving it! I cant think of the not so handsome pay check I take back home every month and tell myself "Think you are studying Chemistry righyt now. You will soon be rewarded for your patience with library sessions ( weekends; where in I can borrow books from the library close home and read to my heart's content)!". I realise nothings mcuh really changed about me. Its back to the engineering days- When I used to run to the bus stop 'cos I was getting late. Chase my bus in an auto. Pray for rain or the chairman to have a mild heart attack so that we could have a holiday. Get into the bus and either chat with Vasu, sleep or read something. Get to college and keep waiting for tea and lunch breaks with lots of day dreaming and prayers in between. I am pretty much the same! So much for the MBA. But no use blaming my degree.
I guess there is a part of me (and a very big part at that) that just doesnt want to grow up! And I am happy its that way!

Be Safe, Dont Exist!

2007-08-01T00:10:00.000-07:00

Don’t go out alone at night — That encourages men
Don’t go out alone at any time — Any situation encourages some men
Don’t stay at home — Intruders and relatives can both rape
Don’t go without clothes — That encourages men
Don’t go with clothes — Any clothes encourage some men
Avoid childhood — Some rapists are turned on by little girls
Avoid old age — Some rapists prefer aged women
Don’t have a father, grandfather, uncle or brother — These are the relatives that often rape young women
Don’t have neighbours — They often rape
Don’t marry — Rape is legal within marriage
To be quite sure — DON’T EXIST!

(Rules for girls, poster by K.P.Sasi)

Why always Me?

2007-07-19T02:37:00.000-07:00

Its two thirty. Post lunch I can hardly keep my eyes open. There is a whole lot of activity going on around me - a project is going live soon and deadlines have to be met. I have no such worries. I close my eyes and shake my hips to Shakira's Whenever Wherever; imaginarily ofcourse. Life can be so very good to you at times.
And that is when I see my project manager walking towards me. I immediately minimise the media player, take of my headphones and place them on the table. He is here to introduce me to two other "gentlemen" (his very words) of our team. And that is when I realise the song is still playing and is audible!
Oh Oh! I yank off the headphones from the system even while giving the three gentlemen what I think is a "polite" smile. And horror of horrors the whole floor can now hear Shakira.
Now why does this always have to happen with ME!! While I wouldnt trade my life for all the gold and books in the world, why cant somebody else get lucky for a change? Why always ME??
On second thoughts I ought to rename this blog as Goofball Princess' diaries.

My 25th Post!

2007-07-18T20:58:00.000-07:00

I cant access blogspot anymore! Sigh!
All social networking and personal websites are blocked. Funny! If these blokes think this will make me more productive, they are wrong! All that this means is, I am gonna spend more time more time on the internet bay on the ground floor than at my desk on the first floor.
By the way this happens to be my 25th post!

Desperate for Work!

2007-07-16T02:52:00.001-07:00

I finished my training last wednesday and have ben jobless since then. To drive away boredom I attended a training program to which I was not even nominated (!), checked mails umpteen number of times, blogged a bit and read blogs. Now I am desperate! I am so insecure! What if Iflex decides to downsize? I would be the first one to be sent out!
And whats worse is the fact that I "work" at the the Whitefield office. I use the office transportation - I have to necessarily be in the office from nine to six! Tough Luck!!

A Case of Feigned Travel Sickness, Mistaken Identity, Spoilsport Rain and Chennai autowaalaas

2007-07-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

This weekend I made my almost weekly pilgrimage to Chennai. I started late from office : there was this Open house going on and I missed out on the nice stuff where the new jonees were introduced; it started raining the minute I stepped out of office and had to take an auto; reach home,exercise my thumb over the remote while scanning the days' newspaper only to realise that it is seven thirty and I am late - my bus is at nine fifteen! I hurriedly stuff my clothes and get out. I am late and cant make it to Majestic by bus. So get into an auto. The auto ride is relatively uneventful though I cant stop cursing myself for not having kept track of time.
I reach KSRTC bus terminus, ask people directions to platform 24 only to realise I am standing right there. And my bus is late. My bus finally comes at ten and is empty : nobody boarded it at Mysore!! I get into the bus and park myself on the window seat of the last row (my actual seat is the one next to it). Next comes a girl who requests me to move so that she can sit by the window. As if I am gonna do that!
Anyways we start talking and I get to know the windows seat aint her's. Now this is my first bus journey where in I am not asleep as soon as I get into the bus. Usually I am asleep even before the bus moves out of the bus terminus. And this time I realise the bus comes to Forum! Now Forum is a fifteen minute walk away from my house and it talks the minimum fare on an auto! But yours truly never knew about the bus stopping at Forum even though she had made this trip five times over the last 7 weeks! The guy who has the window seat gets in here and he puts forward his claim over the window seat. I tell him I have travel sickness (!!) and have to have the window seat!! And give him the "You can have your window seat, at your own risk" look. Poor guy, he cant say anything now and moves away.
The next day morning it is the Koyembedu bus stand in Chennai. I get of the bus, dodge all the auto wallahs and walk to the city bus stand inside the terminus. I dont have to wait for long and I get into the bus. I even compete with an old woman for a aisle seat (I have luggage!). And she says "Ladies' Seat. Vera engayaavdu poyi ukkaaru".
Excuse Me!!!
For those who havent seen me, believe me there s no way I can be mistaken for a guy!! And those who have, can vouch for that! That woman was either blind or was sleep walking. The lady sitting next to me smiles. The old woman moves closer, has a look and decides she was wrong. And she says " Chokka potrindiyono...." ???
I get down at SIET college and manage to stop an auto. I tell him "Surya Sweets ponum". He asks T.Nagar? I say R.A.Puram. He demands 40 bucks. The actual fare would be within the mimimum twelve ruppees. No way I am gonna shell out so much. Fifteen bucks I tell him. He laughs. Then tells me "Sangeetha varaikum ponum". Then I tell him its near Adyar Gate hotel. He says "R.A.Puram sonneenga. Ippo Adyarndu solringa." The Park Sheraton is known to auto waalaas as Adyar Gate Hotel and they refuse to recognise it by any other name. And here is one guy asking me if I had to go to Adyar. My luck! Then I tell him its near the Raintree hotel. He asks for twenty five, I say twenty and the deal is struck.And he takes me home, all the while preaching me on how I ought to use right landmarks and names and not confuse autowaalaas!
I come home, there is a new watchman who wants to make sure I am no thief. Which thief would come with a bag full of stuff? I ring the doorbell and my mom half asleep half awake grudgingly opens the door and goes back to sleep.
I look at my sister who is sleeping. There is thi contentment on her face which I decide wont be there for long. And operation "Wake up Mads aka Kumbakarni" starts. I tickle her, prod her. And after numerous pleas to Mummy, Madhu decides she ought to do something and pinches me. It is just so painful but I dont mind : Mission successful, Madhu awake. Now I can focus on mommy dearest. All that I need to do is to start talking!
After a heavy breakfast we move to Pondy Bazaar and into RMKV where a customer thinks I am the sales girl. Today is just not my day, I decide. We do lots of shopping, hog at Archana's and walk till Roshan's to look at suitcases for my darling sister. We finally decide on one hard case and one soft case, find out hard case suitcases cant be locked; make few frantic calls to parents who have sent their wards to US recently and decide on a semi hard case and soft case and buy the ASA locks. By the time we step out of the shop, its raining. We stop an auto, try to bargain, move ahead and stop another auto and so on. And each time we find that the amount demanded by the auto wala rises as we get closer to our destination. Only our Chennai autowaalaas can have such a distorted sense of logic!
But what a trip it was! I went to Adyar Grand Snacks and was served Thengai saadam on Donnai and it was lovely. Bought loads of stuff for me, dear sis and amma appa from AGS. Then "eatable" ( as Subbu puts it) food. Lotsa family gossip. Heaven!

Thoughts and Words

2007-07-05T02:33:00.001-07:00

My thoughts and words are my own
In them I seek my salvation.

Zilch Balance

2007-06-29T04:04:00.000-07:00

My salary account still reads zero balance!

Its Official.....

2007-06-28T23:05:00.000-07:00

Finally the day has dawned.. The day I have been so very afraid of! Its official guys. I am bankrupt!
All that I have is seventy bucks. And I owe a colleague fifty bucks. And I would be left with twenty bucks! And am leaving for Hyderabad tonight. Thankfully the tickts are booked!! Bangalore to Hyderabad, with twenty bucks....
But still guys it might not be that bad. What if the naxalites tartget the bus I am travelling. I would have the last laugh! They might even take pity on me and share the booty with me!!
What a day it was.. I walk down to the bus stop , catch a van, travel for a few minutes; only to realise I dont have my wallet and my mobile when the ticket issuing chappie comes. I tell him I dont hv my mobile, need to get down - walk all way back home, get my stuff, trek back to the bus stop (which is ten minute walk from my house - couldnt afford an auto you see ;) and catch a BMTC bus... And am late to office.
And I walk into the training room half an hour late and all eyes are on ME!
And during the break I want to impress one of my seniors (thankfully he aint my supervisor) with my Kannada and tell him "Yenn Magaa". And he just gives me creepy look that seems to say "Are you nuts or what".
Well supposedly Yenn Magaa aint the language good girls speak in. Its Tapori Language!!!
Bhargav, Pavan , RK , Sunil... Wait till I meet you next!!!

No system Yet!

2007-06-24T23:02:00.000-07:00

Havent yet got my work station!!And the training room is kinda cold(!). And the work seems to be more technical for the functional guys and more functional for the techie guys. I am supposedly in the implementation team. Well I have no clue as to how my product works and am prety sure theres not much thts going to get clear in the near future either. I like to joke abt me doing things the classic way, while the truth is tht I cant do it any other way. The only use I have for my computer is to play music, read online books, check mail... get the drift?
And I still reemmber Che's remark some ten years back on one of my classmates getting a system. If you are gonna use your system only to use excel sheets, MS word and so on; why dont you get urself a type writer and a calculator??
Going by those standards, I dont deserve to have a system!
Update:
I have finally been assigned a system. Now wait a minute before you guys start feeling happy for me! After spending close to two hours trying to get someone from the helpdesk configure my new system, I realise I ought to move out from here too! Now howz that?

Lost my Workstation!!

2007-06-21T01:36:00.000-07:00

Almost one month into work and I have already lost my work station!! All this long I was sitting with the HR and Admin guys but then atleast I had a work station!! And today when I come back from my training one of the Admin females (and just why do most of the HR, Admin and group secretaries need to be females??) is already working from my work station. And while I very politely ask her if she would take long even while I am fuming with anger; after all it is my work station, I had just locked the system and there were quite a few applications running: She tells me that I am supposed to meet my group secretary. "Oh! So she is finally back is it??" is wht I want to blurt out. She has been on a very long vacation after her wedding that I used to joke about her extending it to a maternity leave. And this lady very coolly tells me that I was alloted this work station only 'cos there was no other place and anyways I am in training and I wouldnt need the system. Excuse me!! Where do I park myself when we arent in training??? And she tells me she ll try to place me elsewhere but then anyways we will be moving out to another office in another fifteen days.(btw we are moving to a new location opposite to the Sai Baba temple, Whitefield). So....
Now I am supposed to wait for another fifteen days or what??
And when I get back to my work station, that lady happily informs me "After all I only gave you this desk naa?". Lady, so you can reclaim back my desk as yours is it???

First Job!

2007-06-13T01:36:00.001-07:00

I am back! After a long period of silence I am finally into blogging! After an anxious and a seemingly never ending wait, I have started work at Iflex- my very first job! Though I must add I am still jobless, waiting for the product training from 18th June. Employed and Jobless!!
We do group training sessions though and I have come to realise the importance of using fewer words! You can make few nervous first time employed buncha freshers sit through your verbose monologue, but would your clients sit through sessions tht drag for hours altogether?
Anyways all tht I seem to do during training is to count the number of days remaining for the Friday to dawn( when I can catch the bus/train to Chennai) and for my first salary to be credited to my account!! And ofcourse dream abt all the things tht I did do!! Another 17 days to wait before I can afford to shop!

This one's to my friends!

2007-02-20T21:37:00.000-08:00

Now that I'll be out of SDM-IMD in another two days; 48 hours from now I did be frantically trying to remember all the things that I did be needing and put them into my bag, in time to catch my 3:45 bus to Hyderabad. And all that I'll have is one month to get used to the idea of being an SDM alumni till the convocation on March 23rd. And I ll have to get used to SDM being my past.
This is to Aparna for the words and thoughts you have given me. This is to Meenakshi for being my best critic and all that straight talk. This is for Deepan for always having been there for me.
This is for Sirisha..... for all the goofing we have done, for being my pillar of strength, for making me laugh when all I wanted to do was to cry,for making me cry when all that I wanted to do was to laugh, for crying when all that I was trying to do was to make you laugh, for trying to laugh at all my dumb supposedly jokes, for having put up with all my bitching, for keeping a straight face through all my PJ's and APJ's, for having been so very understanding of all my weirdness, for having been such a bitch(!!), for being my Valentine even when you were no longer officially single, for having rejoiced at my successes and making me look beyond my failures, for being so very honest with me......
All that I can think of is this song guys .... " I would have given the world to you, but words are all that I have".

Thank you SDM-IMD!!

2007-02-19T23:22:00.000-08:00

As of twelve noon today I am done with my presentations and classes! Excepting for the term end exams and two minor submissions, I am done with my MBA. Its quite a mixed feeling though- I am happy and I am not quite so happy. These two years at SDM-IMD have not only given me the much required functional managerial skills and honed my soft skills - SDM has also been the place where I have made wonderful friends for life and learnt so much about myself. SDM in many ways has made the person that I am today and I shall always be grateful to SDM for everything. The feeling after each presentation that I have goofed up and the ones that I have been appreciated for has lasted only till the next one. It might be read quite philosophical but that is the way it has been. I have learnt never to let my failures deter me in my future endeavours and never to let my successes get into my head. And with so many many presentations at SDM; I guess I have learnt to come to terms with few not so great presentations, but to never be okay with it.
I shall always remember the class rooms with so much of brain storming happening and new ideas coming up, people dozing off and literally in that after hectic schedules and deadlines; the lab, discussion rooms and yoga hall wherein we worked for most of our group assignments; the canteen which we would all curse and rant about, but still visit for a cuppa chai after every class; the library which we visited only to receive our course materials and during the examinations; the nestle booth which was our usual hangout adda along with the steps leading to the mess, yoga hall and canteen and the area outside the girls hostel; the mess which again was the focus of all our complaints and also rare appreciation.
It was in SDM that I had my own room, which was mine and mine alone. I could either live in a dump or live in clean quarters; but the decision was all mine. I could listen to music all day, eat only ice cream for dinner, dance in the rain, stay awake till three in the morning, decide to walk around the hostel at one a.m.; the small pleasures of life were all mine! Dear mom and dad, you have been the best parents ever ever : But sometimes its so much fun to be on your own! And with all this independence also comes a responsibility- of being responsible for your actions. You can stay awake till the wee hours of the morning, but you need to wake up in time for the early morning seven thirty session in Derivatives. You can eat all the ice cream you want, but you cant afford to get sick!
Life at SDM has taught me all this and so many other things that just cant be put in words. It has given me great friends with whom I have laughed, cried and lived life. Yes, I am indeed looking forward to moving ahead, start work, make new friends and embark on another life enriching experience- one after another........ But then there Is a silent wish, hope that life at SDM never comes to an end.... Wishful thinking, I know......
Thank you SDM-IMD!!

Leave Letter!!

2007-01-31T03:57:00.000-08:00

One of my B school mates is getting engaged this Sunday and she has to apply for leave 'cos we have classes even on a Sunday! And we were having a few laughs on what to do. 'Cos our college people are as excited as her parents I guess. Our director kept howering around my friend and her would be inlaws when they came to the campus,officially for some function. He seemed to think that he had to do the Khatthirdaari, after all he is on the girl's side! And then so are our profs!!
And that is when this letter came out! I thought it was pretty juvenille but by then I had already decided to post it here!!

To,
Respected Chairperson,
PGDBA.

From,
To Be Engaged Fixed Girl.

Dear Sir,
Even as I am writting this letter, me dear is getting angry that I am calling you dear. And am sure your wifey ll also get angry on reading this letter.So to make sure that you dont get jhaado beatings from your wife, this is a self destructing letter. It will destroy itself after u hv read it!!!
As you ought to know by now, "Marriage is not a word. Its a sentence.You have already been sentenced for life, and now its d turn of my dear!! The sentence ll be declared publicly on 4th of Feb. Hence I request you to grant me a day's leave, so that I can be present while he is being sentenced. After all I am his present on his sentence.

My dear's truly,
TBEFG.

Disclaimer : The above letter is solely meant for laughs! If it does induce somebody to be the Runaway Bridegroom, the author will not be held responsible. And the author wants to point out that there are few things in life which you will regret having done or not having done 'em and Holy Matrimony is one of them. And better to regret doing somethingie than not at all!

How weird can I get??

2006-11-30T20:46:00.000-08:00

I had been tagged by Swetha a real long time to write about nine weird things about me. The point is that most things about me are way too normal. And the other few things about me areway too weird to be written about, here. And there are few weird traits that me and Swetha seem to share.

I need to have the fan chaalo, however cold it is. And when it is kinda hot( for others), that is when I am feeling cold and dont want the fan!!

I need to keep humming... Dont know why, but I need to.. It kinda irritates others but I dont even realize that I am doing it. Che was pretty much irritated 'cos I was humming somethingie, sitting next to her....during the 12th standard Math board exams!!

I have an "intuition" when it comes to "goodies". Another weird trait I share with Swetha. I know where "things" might be.... When it comes to other things, I havent a clue!!

Then again I talk to myself, only when I am alone. And when I aint alone, the conversation still goes on silently.... And there are times when I forget to be silent......

I have a nic for everybody and its kept a big secret.. Few of them sound pretty juvennile and most are funny... And I never tell anybody about it...

I seldom get names right.... Even those of my close friends. Keep getting them all mixed up.

I keep thinking of somethingie or the other... Even when I am talking.. Cant seem to go blank...ever...ever..... And I cant exactly verbalise them either. Thoughtless thoughts??

I keep thinking of which movie/novel character the people I meet resemble.

And the last weird thingie..... I dont mind accepting that I am actually pretty weird... Now, does that qualify as weird??
Do any of these things qualify as weird for that matter??

I now tag Shuba D, to write about the nine weird things about her.

Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna!

2006-08-17T22:23:00.000-07:00

Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna! I had been waiting for this movie for a long time and finally got to see it a couple of days back. The reviews I received from my friends were not encouraging though and most of them dint like it. And the reviews I read were no different either. I liked the movie though, atleast the story. Most of us have grown up, learning to classify things into good and bad, right and wrong that it was refreshing to see a movie in which the lead stars were cold, selfish and bitter. And yes I did say stars 'cos the movie was not about Dev, Rhea, Rishi and Maya but about the 'stars'. But thats altogether another issue.
Not all things and people in life can come under good and bad can they? And I ought to say this, I have always liked the villains and the not so nice people of movies and books. Perhaps thts one of the reasons I like 'Gone With the Wind'. Being your own true devilish self and not playing this artificial goody goody kinds. Melanie was this natural goody good but I still think Scarlet had more fun than Melanie!And Rhett Butler was perhaps one of the best characters ever ever thought off!!

Pencils and Erasers

2006-07-10T07:05:00.000-07:00

As a child I had a very bad habit of scribbling at every given opportunity, in every paper and on all the walls. Not that I think of it as a bad habit. Ever noticed how most things that you want to do are labelled under "bad habits"? Else it is just a crazy thingie to do! Anyways scribbling is somethingie I still enjoy! Gayathri used to be so patient while I used scribble my way to glory, ofcourse in her notes!!
And all these dayz that I have been on my yum bee yae I had to restrain myself- 'cos I simply had to grow up! and also 'cos most folks here are also trying to "grow up" and dont take kindly to such stuff!! And so I had to stop doing somethingie that my fingers always wanted to do!! And when after a one whole year of self restrain I did "it" my neighbour had the "are you crazy" kinda look and erased the whole thingie!! Gosh do I miss Gayathri!!
And that was one I realised something! It is much easier to erase stuff while it takes much effort and time to actually "create" something! Oh yeah! Big deal!! But why do you need to erase things just because they dont fall in line with certain standards? Why change yourself so that you conform to certain "standards"? While going around with an eraser in hand, doing d politically rite things and erasing off d other stuff may seem only proper, are you really listening to yourself? Doesnt that count too? What do you want to be? The pencil that may be wrong at times but is still proud of all the mistakes that it has done, the eraser that goes about being critical about everybody else or one of those hybrid pencils with an eraser attached that of its own accord erases things it doesnt deem fit enough! What about the pen you might ask? I would still prefer the pencil to the pen 'cos the pen doesnt have a choice.The pencil decides to let something remain out of choice.
I am proud of being a pencil.I have made lots of mistakes but I am not ashamed of them. These experiences have made me what I am and in a sense reflect the person I am. Given a chance I would still make them!

Nivi, the poetess

2006-04-30T04:48:00.000-07:00

I had dreams,
colourfull dreams in my eyes,
washed down by the tears,
that I couldnt stop.

I saw colourfull bangles,
in the market fair,
I tried them on.
But they broke,
they werent made for me.

I cry,
and it is just not the kajal that flows.

I cry on,
And I dont stop myself.
I cry for myself.

A hole's in my heart,
that grows bigger
with each passing hour.

I aint ashamed
"But this is not fair".
Just not fair.
Not fair at all.

You may have killed a part of me,
But the rest is still there.

I am what I am,
And you cant change
the Who I am now
Not that I will let you.

You may break my bones,
not my spirit.
My dreams may have been washed away,
but others will take their place soon.

For you can do anything;
but never make me stop dreaming.
Dreams are my own,
My only treasure.

What if I dont have anything else?
As long as I have dreams in my eyes,
Hope in my heart
And the courage to walk the way I have picked;
I am.

Ideological Killings

2006-01-23T04:17:00.000-08:00

Whatever be Gopal Godse's reasons for killing Gandhi was he right in killing him?Is it right to kill somebody just because you dont believe in what he believes in?Even revenge killings are acceptable; yes there is something very primitive about them but then arent all of us, in one sense. But then does it make any difference to Gopal Godse as to what others think of him.He cleansed the nation and that is the belief he will go to his grave with; "And well you cant expect ordinary mortals who fall in for big words to see the "truth", can you?What if they shun you?Condemn you?That reinforces your original belief right?"
And so Gopal Godse shall go to his grave with no remorse and perhaps even with pride that he did the right thing, with no fear of being condemned and shunned.And thats just the matter with ideological killings.You cant make that person feel remorseful-infact the person begins to see himself as a martyr, what if people shun him?It makes him more of a martyr.

Gopal Godse's Interview

2006-01-23T04:11:00.000-08:00

Fifty-two years ago, on Jan. 30, 1948, Mohandas Gandhi was shot dead by Nathuram Godse, a Hindu extremist. Godse believed that the Mahatma, or great soul, was responsible for the 1947 partition of India and the creation of Pakistan. Godse and his friend Narayan Apte were hanged. His brother Gopal and two others were sentenced to life imprisonment for their part in the conspiracy. Gopal Godse remained in jail for 18 years and now, at 80, lives with his wife in a small apartment in Pune. He is still proud of his role in the murder. Although Godse is largely ignored in India and rarely talks to journalists, he agreed to speak with TIME Delhi correspondent Meenakshi Ganguly.
TIME: What happened in January 1948?
Godse: On Jan. 20, Madanlal Pahwa exploded a bomb at Gandhi's prayer meeting in Delhi. It was 50 m away from Gandhi. [The other conspirators] all ran away from the place. Madanlal was caught there. Then there was a tension in our minds that we had to finish the task before the police caught us. Then Nathuram [Gopal's brother] took it on himself to do the thing. We only wanted destiny to help us -- meaning we should not be caught on the spot before he acted.
TIME: Why did you want to kill Gandhi?
Godse: Gandhi was a hypocrite. Even after the massacre of the Hindus by the Muslims, he was happy. The more the massacres of the Hindus, the taller his flag of secularism.
TIME: Did you ever see Gandhi?
Godse: Yes.
TIME: Did you attend his meetings?
Godse: Yes.
TIME: Can you explain how he created his mass following? Godse: The credit goes to him for maneuvering the media. He captured the press. That was essential. How Gandhi walked, when he smiled, how he waved -- all these minor details that the people did not require were imposed upon them to create an atmosphere around Gandhi. And the more ignorant the masses, the more popular was Gandhi. So they always tried to keep the masses ignorant.
TIME: But surely it takes more than good publicity to create a Gandhi? Godse: There is another thing. Generally in the Indian masses, people are attracted toward saintism. Gandhi was shrewd to use his saintdom for politics. After his death the government used him. The government knew that he was an enemy of Hindus, but they wanted to show that he was a staunch Hindu. So the first act they did was to put "Hey Ram" into Gandhi's dead mouth.
TIME: You mean that he did not say "Hey Ram" as he died?
Godse: No, he did not say it. You see, it was an automatic pistol. It had a magazine for nine bullets but there were actually seven at that time. And once you pull the trigger, within a second, all the seven bullets had passed. When these bullets pass through crucial points like the heart, consciousness is finished. You have no strength. When Nathuram saw Gandhi was coming, he took out the pistol and folded his hands with the pistol inside it. There was one girl very close to Gandhi. He feared that he would hurt the girl. So he went forward and with his left hand pushed her aside and shot. It happened within one second. You see, there was a film and some Kingsley fellow had acted as Gandhi. Someone asked me whether Gandhi said, "Hey Ram." I said Kingsley did say it. But Gandhi did not. Because that was not a drama.
TIME: Many people think Gandhi deserved to be nominated TIME's Person of the Century. [He was one of two runners-up, after Albert Einstein.]
Godse: I name him the most cruel person for Hindus in India. The most cruel person! That is how I term him. TIME: Is that why Gandhi had to die? Godse: Yes. For months he was advising Hindus that they must never be angry with the Muslims. What sort of ahimsa (non-violence) is this? His principle of peace was bogus. In any free country, a person like him would be shot dead officially because he was encouraging the Muslims to kill Hindus.
TIME: But his philosophy was of turning the other cheek. He felt one person had to stop the cycle of violence...
Godse: The world does not work that way.
TIME: Is there anything that you admire about Gandhi?
Godse: Firstly, the mass awakening that Gandhi did. In our school days Gandhi was our idol. Secondly, he removed the fear of prison. He said it is different to go into prison for a theft and different to go in for satyagraha (civil disobedience). As youngsters, we had our enthusiasm, but we needed some channel. We took Gandhi to be our channel. We don't repent for that.
TIME: Did you not admire his principles of non-violence? Godse: Non-violence is not a principle at all. He did not follow it. In politics you cannot follow non-violence. You cannot follow honesty. Every moment, you have to give a lie. Every moment you have to take a bullet in hand and kill someone. Why was he proved to be a hypocrite? Because he was in politics with his so-called principles. Is his non-violence followed anywhere? Not in the least. Nowhere.
TIME: What was the most difficult thing about killing Gandhi?
Godse: The greatest hurdle before us was not that of giving up our lives or going to the gallows. It was that we would be condemned both by the government and by the public. Because the public had been kept in the dark about what harm Gandhi had done to the nation. How he had fooled them!
TIME: Did the people condemn you?
Godse: Yes. People in general did. Because they had been kept ignorant

If you are reading this.........

2006-01-16T06:40:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time since I blogged last and it wasnt because I dint find time.Somehow the very idea escaped my mind.And so, after such a long hiatus I am back!New Year came and went as usual nothing out of the blue happening.No resolutions.Have been doing quite a bit reading these days and it feels nice.And there was this Arthur Hailey character who feels just like me - there s this guy in Strong Medicine who finds his earlier works so amateurish and naive that given a chance he wants to tear them up!!And thats the way I feel now, like every other time.And thats the way I would be feeling about this particular post too.In fact that feeling's already started......So what if you are reading this?I dint!!!

The majority isnt always right!!

2005-11-23T02:17:00.000-08:00

One of the comments I received for my previous posts was that the majority isnt always right!!Of course the majority is usually never right.Precisely because what is obvious to most eyes is just what is happening in front of their eyes-the present.
My last post was about how Chandrababu Naidu ended paying for his good governance.Yes people like chief ministers who give them free electricity,free seeds,free water,free insecticides-you name it.These chief ministers are always the more popular ones.But then let me put a question-Wont somebody have to pay for this?So who pays?The chief minister?The agricultural minister?The government?Naah.Its you and me-the working class who end up paying taxes which are used for giving subsidies.And to whom?To the rich farmers!!Yes I said rich farmers.
People who own more land,who have more land under agriculture will obviously profit more from these subsidies.And farmers with more land usually tend to be better off than most of their counterparts, except ofcourse during famines when perhaps larger land holdings might mean larger debts.And what finally comes out of these gross subsidies which in any ways dont reach out to the people actually in need thanks to rampant corruption, gross inefficiency and a lethargic bureaucratic approach-deficit!!The treasury runs out of cash that it cant even pay its own employees.But then our politicians make good out of even this-just blame the previous government.Like they say spend the first two years of your tenure giving media interviews on how the state was being inefficiently and corruptly managed by your predecessor,the next two years in trying to swindle as much as you can from the treasury and last one year thanking people for voting you, telling them how five years werent enough to wipe out all the bad that your predecessor had done and so requesting them to give you another five years for the business left unfinished.

Good Governance

2005-11-22T09:17:00.000-08:00

There is this subject we have called Indian Society in Transition-where our guest faculty more or less talks about the great Indian urban-rural divide,how the poor grow more poorer while the rich get richer and....
And today we got to view this Assamese or Bengali or Oriyan short film-where this girl called Laali wants to go to school but her parents want her to graze goats.So she studies without her ppl knowing.When they find out they get angry.Then her mom falls sick and she doesnt take the proper dosage because her husband is illiterate and cant read the presciption.So they have to take her to the city hospital which will cost money hence warranting a trip to the mahajan.The mahajan tries to swindle the father which Laali manages to thwart.Father learns his lesson and Laali gets to attend school.
During the discussion our faculty talked about good governance and Corruption Vs. Inefficiency.And this was where this classmate of mine cited S.M.Krishna and Chandrababu Naidu.Vhandrababu Naidu was after all voted the best Chief Minister.So why wasnt he re-elected?Anti encumbancy factor did him in?Or was it that his over zealousness in projecting Hyderabad as Cyderabad that did him in.If my memory serves me right think I read in India Today as to how most ppl in the rural areas voted for the Congress-simply cos he did nothing for them!!
This set me thinking.Was Chandrababu Naidu's model wrong?After all you cant concentrate on all areas simultaneously.And not all areas will respond to these development works in a similar manner.So you would first start out with areas you think will respond more to whatever it is that you will carry out.And the trickle down effect works faster.Making a farmer or a craftsman rich and then making him buy computers will take long time.But make a software company rich,make the s/w engineer grow richer-he goes out , spends more money-perhaps more on mobiles and cars and such things but also on other things.He doesnt buy more food just because he earns more than he once did but then more money is in circulation and this money does reach the "lower rungs" of the society.And this takes comparativly less time to achieve.Isnt this just what Chandrababu Naidu was trying to do?
But then the ethical question is that can you always shrug and say this serves the majority and that the maximum good to the maximum people is always the right option?The rural community isnt the minority-after all most of the Indian population lives in villages.However there is more of money circulation in the cities and towns than in villages perhaps because there arent as many reasons and ways to spend in a village than in a city.Hence money passes more hands and more ppl are benefitted.And hence,though it may seem as if just one particular sector was being given more priority, in fact this model serves the purpose and for all!

Intelligence Quotient

2005-11-13T02:11:00.000-08:00

one lazy sunday afternoon.nothing much to do and i switched on my system and got to the yahoo page.And i typed intelligence quotient, dunno why but that was the first thing that came to my mind!And I came across this page which talks about how Jesus Christ has the highest iq ever recorded(by the way back then did they even have this concept of iq leave alone iq testing).
Mind you I amnt giving this any communal colour to this.But I just found this article outrageously humourous!!
Says this article
quote "Modern tests differentiate minute details, such as from one year of age to the next. We do not have those details, but do have that a child of 12, which can also be generally stated as 1/2 adult. A preliminary low estimate so far would then be the given age times 2, or 100 x 2 = 200 IQ Jesus interacted with the smartest people. Adults generally have a range of about 70 IQ to 130 IQ, with the smartest people of a representative community perhaps having an IQ of about 130 to 150. So we are looking at 300 IQ for a low estimate. But Jesus interacted with the smartest people. Adults generally have a range of about 70 IQ to 130 IQ, with the smartest people of a representative community perhaps having an IQ of about 130 to 150. So we are looking at 300 IQ for a low estimate." unquote
OK this sound ridiculous but do you know what is more ridiculous and outrageous.This article also talks about Galileo, how many people think him to be smart although he struggled with his own ideas.Yet if he were around today he would be in grade school because any modern 12 year old knows a helicopter doesn't look like his illustration.A 12 year knows how one looks like beacuse he's seen one!!again the article says
quote "IQ is to measure intelligence, not behavior or teaching patterns, therefore a high appraisal is figured at 300 as noted above, times subjective guesstimate 1.5 = 450Q."unquote
What was the logic behind this article??
And then ofcourse there was another one I found which talked about why Asians typically score more on an IQ test while most of the research work and innovation happens in the US.A guy replied IQ is a measure of your learning capabilities!(!!)And so they import all the technology from the US and use them in their backyard!But then arent most of the researchers in US of Asian origin.And who ever said that IQ was a measure of your learning capabilities??
Needless to say it was pretty much entertaining to go through all this stuff!!

Deadlines and Evaluations

2005-11-10T05:53:00.000-08:00

Reading thru my blog and my diary all that I find are references to the exams,the presentations,the quizzes that I had and how I muffed up.Hasn’t anything else been happening in my life that I can even think about?All these five months that I have spent here have not entirely been academic centric and for that matter I haven’t ever been that kinda studo.But yet all that is constantly crossing my mind these days are my grades,my summer placement and final placement.But is that what a b-school is all about?
Or is that all that I want from my life?deadlines and performance appraisals?You need to have deadlines because there ought to be a definite time frame within which a job needs to be completed .Evaluations are indeed important because u need to know how well or how bad u have fared. But is that all to life?

26 October

2005-10-26T21:36:00.000-07:00

Had finance and business law exams today.Pathetic as usual.Have been listening to music all day.Finished reading Harry Porter and the Half Blood Prince today(know thats late.could get my hands upon it today just today!)Feel very bad the way my life is going on.Am I really doing justice to my program.My grades are kinda okies but I havent been doing stuff I should be doing.I am still allergic to the brown paper!Not that I expected to like reading all that stuff just by joing a B-School.But somehow I always felt that I would definitely appreciate the paper if I only knew certain things-things I would learn or expected to learn at a B-School.Sadly thats not what happened.I dont even read the Hindu these days!!And to think that there were times when the first thing I used to do in the morning was to read the newspaper without even brushing my teeth. Mom used to get mad at me!And fighting with Dad as to who got to read the paper. Time does fly; by more so when all that you want to do is hold tightly to it, not wanting to let go.Called up Vasu's place in Chennai.She is in Hyderabad!Feel happy for her.She's got into Infosys.Anyways have Economics and Management in Information Systems(!) together tomorrow.

25th October

2005-10-25T05:40:00.000-07:00

Had a market research paper in the morn which was pathetic.On expected lines though!Not having prepared or anything.Had a Executive communication paper in the afternoon which was okies kind.Had to write an essay on Research Report Writting.If not anything else my prof for sure will have a couple of laughs!Have finance and business law together tomorrow!Dont know a word.But what the hell!I managed to create my first blog,ruined it,deleted it and again created my blog with the same url-all on the same day!!